First Foster Child(adult) Found-But Again....

       A few days ago my daughter found the first foster son who I've been searching for, for such a long time. He actually has, had five accounts on FB. I'm not sure where or how to begin with what I felt when I saw some of his life, what he's joined and the tragedy that hit him hard. He had a baby girl who died and I'm not sure how long after birth as he had a picture of her as a newborn sitting on a table with candles, as a memory of passing on.
        He now has a son about four or five years old and I did see on yet another FB account a daughter about three, Those children are beautiful and the boy looks like C.B.'s twin. But he, he is lost in a world that I can only imagine.
         C is part of  a group, that some may call a cult. I see it as a group of young men and some women, not many who are lost, feel they don't belong to the average society or any society except the one there in. This is what happens when kids feel like they no longer matter. They seek to matter, no matter how. They want to be counted, loved, mattered and have a feeling of being needed. 
           I never would have recognized him if I didn't study his face, as well as looking at his other pages. There is one picture where he is sitting and he states' I feel like I'm going crazy. Deeply sad of course. As I look on his Fb pages I don't see any family connections and then I saw a photo of his sister who lives out of state. Both C and his sister who was a baby at the time and an older brother were all in foster care.
     His brother was a few years older and lived with a family who treated him more like a servant than a child. When I met him along with the father and baby sister, he said he was just going to take it until he was old enough to graduate and get out. He did complain to his caseworker who told him, all kids have chores. I believe that. It's easier than confronting a foster parent who's obnoxious and moving a child. The boy didn't want to move. He liked his school and was involved in football, had friends.
       Well as rough and sad as my first foster son looks, I am still trying to find him, hoping to just talk, learn what happened in between. It's always the in between and what happens prior to foster care that counts.

Do You Know Him? CB Where are you ?

 As I write today I see a box above blinking "link" and thinking about the little boy in this picture , well he was my link. A link to many years of foster care. His initials are CB and he has a brother Dennis and a younger sister who is now abut seventeen His father's name is Scott.  I have a lot to thank him for as my first foster child. This is our story if you've read abut him on my blog.  We shared so much and he taught me a lot. Because of him I was able to continue taking chances with kids that some people refused to have in their homes.

I remember a visit we had with his dad who was a soft spoken man who wore a beard, well trimmed, reddish brown hair. He brought this little guy a remote control car. dad remember. We told the father how I picked him up from where he was, how most of his things were stolen and that he left with a huge see though plastic bag filled with water and urine, few clothes, a winter coat that was about five sizes too big, odd socks and a few ripped shirts. Yes, thank you staff. I say staff because they were to check his list of clothing by inspecting what he was leaving with.

        As we emptied things out o the living room floor, he just shrugged his shoulders, the palms of his hands pointing toward the ceiling saying over and over, That's not mine. Then he told me about his toys, mainly a remote car his dad made sure he had at that place and a radio. No they weren't in the bag. I asked him to help me just dump it all out in the trash and that we were going out. For this first shopping trip, I knew w K mart would have to do. I could get him everything he needed and some of what he wanted. He was so happy, picking out clothes, hygiene products and sneakers.

Then it was out to lunch/supper. Before we went in he asked, can I get dessert? Sure, you can even get it before supper. He looked at me like I was nuts, but I've done that myself so once won't hurt.

Oh, although he had red hair, his brother did too but it was turning a deeper reddish brown.

        After we ate, we went home, talked a little about rules and his family and mine. He was anxious to meet my family and we did. But that day he met up again with his father and his new remote car, he was in heaven, like he was home again. I liked his dad. He had a look of "I'm sorry" on his face . Learning more about how little guy came to be with me, it didn't have anything to do with this childs behavior but mistakes the parents made.

        Here is where  I learned what people think, well some anyway. In my experiences neighbors right away felt foster kids are bad, that they have to be to be in foster care. Personally my experiences have shown its the parents more than the kids, but many kids end up with sever behavioral problems because they were put in care. Some do have behavioral or medical problems, psychiatric, that parents can't face or handle, so, foster care.

       In closing, I'm hoping someone this little guy now about twenty-five, and mostly I hoe he is well and doing great with his own family.

Foster Care, What Many Don't Know, A Gun

              At one point I knew I worked in foster care too long, too long because I couldn't say anything without either getting fired and being made to look like a trouble maker. But it was long before that, I made sure to tell most of the kids who would remember, to get a new social security number, get copies of all your medical records so when you're older, you can challenge discrepancies. I doubt many remembered or cared..
      I let them know they could go to college for free and could also challenge a move if for the right reasons. I had one child challenge and actually call a lawyer to stay with me. A foster child can remain in care until age twenty-two. Here's the catch;they wanted their freedom with no curfews, stay out with friends without any accountability, were encouraged to have saving accounts but in the later years because of age, I would have to be on the account too. At one point I bought savings bonds for a young girl.
       I tried to let them know about vocational college, I did let them know and one boy went to HACC, but he was more interested in getting a laptop for free, even sat in my field one day, the screen cracked from that or laying in the trunk of a friends car and yet he talked the school into giving him another one for free. Many kids learned so young about the rights they had that they thought using them fast and furious helped them, it just upset some people.
       One agency hired so many people and friends of people just to keep people employed. They were all friends and so it wasn't about the kids, it was about keeping money in the pockets of friends. I told one man on the day he was leaving about a woman who spanked her very young foster son, had electricity turned off and other things. His answer was, I didn't hear that.
        There was a boy in my home who brought a gun and now this sounds nuts, but he wasn't a bad kid. He saw his grandfather beat his mom as a little boy and as he grew he wanted to protect women. I worked with his grandfather in Mental health who had schizophrenia.
         The boy had the onset which erupted in my home . Little y little he covered his window, nailed a cross upside down to his wall, ripped up a Bible and as I watched him and asked if he needed anything, want to grab a sandwich, go out it was no, no and no. A few days before we went to see his mom which was where he grabbed the gun and put it in his small backpack. We stopped at a convenience store to get coffee and a soda for him. He saw a man hitting a woman and yelling at her, started to open the car door and I gently grabbed his arm. No don't we can call the police. No police, he just wanted to leave, but the man noticed the boy at 17 getting out of the car. The man then took the woman by the arm and in a muffled voice said something pushing her to the store.
         After we got home he started to go deep inside himself and I called on-call to let them know. I was asked who's his MHP, Mental Health Professional. The response was she's in a meeting with the group. Half hour later I call again. BY the fourth call I get a call back saying, what have you done to alleviate the situation. I explain, monitoring, talking quietly etc etc etc.  IT was four hours later before his MHP arrived. She sat and said where is he. Oh GOD! How many times to I need to repeat this?
In his room, darkened etc. She said, can you go and get him and I'll be in back of you? She did walk in back of me until she heard him say, I'm not talking to her. I asked him, Will you just listen?
He said okay. We went to the kitchen table and he came out a few minutes later.
        He had his mini back pack, put it on the seat, no sound as if he had hardware in it. I spoke a little and so did the MHP. He was telling me how he was feeling and I said I'm sorry you feel like you have to protect yourself that way. THEN he took out the gun and put it down very hard on the table.
       He said in a calm manner, I don't have to protect myself, I have to protect you women with this.
The MHP was now shaking and for five seconds I thought, who will tell my children? Then I said to him, ----Thank you for being so honest and trying to protect us, but you know now I have to take this, reaching across the table for the gun. He didn't move an inch to stop me, but shook his head yes. I went on with, I have a friend who's a cop, is kind, not a bully etc. and I have to call him. Again he shook his head yes. Calling 911, I was asked if he had any other weapons and he jumped up with ease and said, oh yeah, I have your saw blade. It was to a jig saw. I followed him and he gave it to me. The MHP said, do you mind if I go out and smoke? No , go.
      IT wasn't long before two police cars pulled up and came knocking. I walked the boy out and introduced him to my friend. He allowed a search and was very polite. My heart beat more for him because he was truly ill. It's genetic, His mother suffered from sever depression. Many times Mental illnesses go from one gender in the family to another. The MHP stood with tears in her eyes and we chatted a little then she left.
      She went out on disability a few weeks later and the boy went to jail. I went to court as a witness, hugged his mom and shook his hand. No I wasn't angry. He was a very ill kid and his illness was just starting. It's a lifetime of heartache.
    More in a few days

My First and Last Foster Son

       When I lived with this little guy, my first foster son, I quickly learned how society, well, maybe not society but the system cheats many kids like him. His anger was as I was told, starts at zero and goes to a hundred in ten seconds. I never experienced that, ( well yes I did growing up ) Another thing I never experienced was the fact that this eleven year old could only read about second grade. On the way to my house we stopped at a diner and I gave him the menu. He pushed it back telling me he couldn't read it. I thought he was joking, but soon found out he meant it. Maybe I should have taken another look at the residence hall/school where he went to school. Kids sat in a classroom that was barely light. I found out it wasn't about teaching and learning but low lights keep the kids calm and I did see  him laying on his desk.
          -I'll continue this tomorrow-
        Well from the start we appeared to have a nice relationship. It took a while before school would allow him in, to see what was a proper and age related class. As I write this my mind shifts between this child , C and my last child B.  It wasn't long before trouble started in school and the calls came to pick him up.
         The worst call was tell me he ripped a teachers tie off. I walked into the middle school and he was sitting alone in an office crying. I was brought into a room and given the story, which didn't make sense. It was obvious to me the school wanted him gone. The teacher whose tie he ripped off, was muscular, shaved head, and now wearing contacts. Yes, that matters to me because a couple of years back he was this, glasses and balding, so now his ego was really out there even in how he spoke, nothing like a couple of years ago.
           They finally brought the boy in and C gave his story. I believed him. He admitted he was wrong, that he had a comic and didn't put it down right away, but what the teacher left out was that he got made at the boy and ripped it from his hands at which point the boy followed the same pattern, and yes, wrong it was. I was told this man was a special ed teacher. He wasn't two years back. Where was his patience? Following the tie incident I was told the boy picked up a chair to throw at the teacher. The boy said he picked up the chair to sit in the corner. Not sure what was true about that.
More became clear about ripping the teachers tie off. It appeared it became caught in something and the teacher ripped it off. Either way he was suspended for ten days, the legal time for a child in special needs classes.
              HE was moved to a behavioral school. What followed at home was a series of mostly good time, eating out, watching his favorite shows, no cable and he loved the old black and white shows, leave it to Beaver, Gunsmoke, Bonanza, and most from the old days. I took him on a trip to New York. All went great. We stayed a two nights in Long Island and he had a ball and I did too watching him watch people. Early one morning he saw a man fishing on the oceans edge, asked if he could go down and talk to him. Sure, He did and had a great time. We checked out and stopped at a merry go round place where he caught brass rings.
            Then we had lunch on the Island and off to check into a Brooklyn Hotel, one I usually stay at and it was such a nice time. We met with my old friend and her husband and out to super we all went. I decided to cut the trip a day short because we were getting such bad weather and honestly I thought I'd save a lot on the hotel. I now know better. We should have stayed and just enjoyed the hotel, movies and ordering in.
         Once I told C that we were going home early he asked why and because very quiet. He asked off and on why we couldn't stay and I kept explaining. Packed up, we took off, passing through the Verrazano Bridge, then Jersey and then it started.... Suddenly he lashed out swearing at me, f this and that and F you and I bet you never knew I could cuss, did you ever heard these words before? NO more sweet innocent little boy, now acting like an older teen out f control. More to come from the back seat; He threw pennies at the dashboard, a book at the dash, small things until nothing was left. With each toss I told him, it's not too late, we can fix this and make it better, His response, I didn't want to F'n leave.
          I knew I had to bide my time until I found a safe place to get off. Looking ahead I see a truck plaza and tell C I have to get gas, use the restroom and grab a sandwich. He does get out and I quickly lock all the doors but there's one thing left in the car, an umbrella ! I knew I had to get my hands on that before he got back in the car.  Inside I did use the restroom, got on line for coffee and a sandwich, but C did not want to eat. I sat in the booth with him making small talk and making sure he knew we only had a short time left to eat if he wanted to get a sandwich or anything else. He said no.
         I started chatting with a guy standing on line about all of the food varieties. Then I told C, you have three minutes left to eat and I put a ten dollar on the table in front of him. He grabbed it, got on line and I grabbed the umbrella. After he ate, and we stood to leave, he went for the umbrella and saw I had it. We walked to the car and I threw the umbrella in the trunk. Before taking off we talked, he fell asleep and we made it home.
    More of C continued tomorrow

All This Foster Child Wanted

       He came from another foster home as many do. Many foster children move around. I've seen ads on TV where kids are paid to say, and yet I know it's true, "all I remember is moving around and having things taken away from me".
         Here's what I know about these two things. Don't we take away things from our own children as a consequence? Now moving around is another story. Many, many kids dislike the rules so much they continue to make living in a home so stressful and I'm sure reading this you may think, well you don't make your own kids move. Correct. Yet in foster care sometimes the goal of a child, or teen is to keep trying new homes until he or she gets what they want and there are many homes that give kids, their own TV, a game system overload on snacks, anything so the foster parents don't have to bother especially if they're being paid well. Yes, many are paid very well, but never enough to put up with the following:

• Getting called to school daily
• being told to go F yourself
• punching holes in the walls
• firesetters
• sexual issues
• masturbating on the toilet seat
• destroying rooms
• breaking a parents personal items
• Cursing in a conversation as if its an everyday and okay thing to do
• listening to a parent use the bathroom
• Having the police at your door about every second day
• refusing to get on or out of a van
• threatening to blow up a school, jump off a building and so much more

These are really a few reasons why parents give their notice among having to stay all night or ten until a hospital finds another hospital that will accept the child with so many issues, that many residential hospitals won't accept a child. My last child was moved to another state for just that reason.

          Now the little guy I'm talking about J, only wanted to be adopted, that's all. He loved the family he was with and they loved him. But one day he overstepped his boundaries looking for attention and tried to seriously hurt himself, but it was all fake. That was enough for the mother to call and give her notice. She was afraid but realized a few minutes later she jumped the gun, called back and said it was a mistake. The agency said too late . They called me right away and I took him. He stayed about two to three months. He had a medical issue which wasn't a problem, but he also wouldn't listen to a curfew, He was I believe, thirteen and so cute. HE loved dogs, wanted me to get him one.

       No, I tried that before and wouldn't work for me. I loved taking the kids on trips, buying nice clothes, out to eat at better restaurants so they learn social skills . HE kept asking me about adoption and I was honest, I wasn't young enough, He kept taking off, running out in bare feet, hurting himself. Finally I was told to take him to the ER to take care of a problem, then get him to a residential about an hour away. Getting him home and trying to get meds into him., I promised McDonalds which he loved and we rarely went to. HE fell asleep in the car, but I went through Mc D's anyway, got him to this horrible place where I drove through two huge steel doors, like a dam!

     Once awake and inside it still took him a few minutes to realize where he was. He was repeatedly told this would happen by the agency. The agency rep who should have taken him would have been very impersonal, but I knew after this one time at this place, I'd never, ever do it again.

       I remember even now, his tone of voice, his pleading, Nancy, don't leave me, please don't leave me here, about eight times until they told me to go. The drive home at ten o'clock was memorable with memories of us having silly giggling times and long talks about everything imaginable.

     It took him a few months to adjust and behave, finally accepting if he was to ever get out of that place he needed to simply bee good, not so simple. Yet he made it. It wasn't long before that a family was found and this time, finally he found his new and forever dad and mom. HE wanted a dad so much and he also got his dog. His dream came true. 

       One Christmas at an airport I received a call from a man asking if I was who I was. Yes, this is me. He asked if I remembered J and I said Hell yes ! He explained the events that led to adoption and they were on their way to Montana, I think, for the holidays and that J now also has a dog. HE said J talks about me often. kool, made me happy. Then he asked, would you like to take to him? He really is anxious to take to you. IT felt wonderful to know this wonderful boy was happy, adopted and that his dream came true. We talked a few more times that year, then I let go. He's happy and he has my number if he wants to call, but I think that need is gone. Stay Happy J   !

ACS Staten Island Bullies Parents with threats to MOVE..

     Yes, this is what these types of services do, they bully a parent or parents when a parent asks questions about their own children, asking for help for the foster parent with transportation. Kids have so many appointments when in foster care, but for some it's just too much and isn't needed but when it is, the foster agency is supposed to be there to help with transportation especially if the foster parents work.
      I can tell you personally in Pennsylvania, that's exactly how it works. IF foster parents work, the foster agency caseworkers or MHP's as their known, step in to actually do the transportation to appointments, school meetings and so on. So if ACS doesnt like the questioning, they make threats, well we'll just move your children, so is that in the best interest of the children?
      Heck NO!!!! They have already been removed from their home, then removed from a school, so ACS answer is to move again and again because they won't be honest, won't help, won't answer questions.

Many parents are decent people who need help and yet many others are slime but if you have a parent who can offer proof, who wants his or her children, can offer a home, food, clothes, and an education and unconditional love, yet ACS prefers to either return the children to slime, and or move the kids! Yea! What a helpful agency. Maybe they individually need their backgrounds checked into. How far back should someone go? When is enough enough to prove to society you're a good person ?

Seamens Society, S.I. New York, Unfair Towards DAD ...ACS

       Recently I have become familiar with a family situation with sadly, two children are involved.
It is so deep that I am going to do my best to shorten it but to star with, the Dad in this is being railroaded! Sure two side to every story, so tell me if a man has proof that his wife texts him, I want 800. a month,  pay me every two weeks, no weekly, plus two hundred to pay my father, you can have her all you want, all I want is custody! But you have to sign paper. The woman is speaking of their child a nine year old. She has some broken English as she comes from Columbia, but she is very knowledgeable in having an income.
      This father has so much proof of children being left alone, not being fed properly, and even ACS -children's services in Staten Island sat and waited for mom to come home one day for hours, finally telling the male child to get his coat, they were leaving. The mother as she calls herself is on welfare, allowed to speak Spanish in meetings so the father doesn't know whats being said while the woman from SEAMAN'S SOCIETY chats with her about how their families come from the same village or town in Columbia! Nice, and so interesting that the father doesn't have anyone to translate, not interpret, but translate. He had an attorney who he paid in full. Yup the lawyer took his money and adios basically, not there  as this dad needs.

     Apparently it appears the mother here is being rewarded somehow for getting parenting classes while the father has to wait. WHY?? So it looks as if she cares and he doesn't ? He loved her and she became a citizen. He supported her and her son, loves him, gave her money as she wanted and needed, very often. He loved her and her son until he became a citizen. Now ten years are up and she dumps him, hate him, cant stand the site of him, BUT will basically sell her little girl in my opinion, keeping custody and he can have her all he wants. I've seen her texts to him, so much about money. She pressed charges and dropped them, hoping for money, then tried to press them again.
      This man needs a father rights attorney ! This man hasn't been a saint, but since he married this woman, he has more than tried to be a hard working husband and father. Then he heard rumors while separated and moved in with her. She allowed it as so did her welfare landlord as this man was now shelling out again, to both the landlord and his wife. He started to make her apartment livable. Mice, steps, and foundation breaking down, and he set mice traps inside and outside of the home.
   All the while this woman knew how she could get a new apartment and all expense paid by welfare...press domestic charges against this man. Yes, she learns fast about our laws, now her laws.
   In my opinion, ACS and the Seamen Society, both powerful agencies, are putting a very large screw to this man. By the way, I'm not too crazy about men, but I do believe in being fair.

       The Newspapers should know his story, an internal investigation of policy and compliance should happen, and an ACLU case should open in addition to a fathers rights attorney to be located ! Oh, I didn't forget-this is all supposed to be about "the best interest of the child/children ? Is it? The male child doesn't know how to stay safe and he's older. The little girl doesn't want to visit mommy when told.. These people, ACS and the SEAMENS SOCIETY appear to be working for whats in teh best interest of the female parent. Have they even bothered to care about proof ? Have they bother to care or do they just want this to go away so they can say, look what a good and speedy job we did.. Yeah, pat yourselves on the back...for taking away the rights of a father! Comprende'  

Spring Grove PA. Discriminates/Foster Children

        Some years ago I had a child who I cared for, an African American female who had alopecia and a school aide got away with so many negative things to this girl and she should have been fired. She told her "Where's your wig, you should wear your wig" it was endless.

      Now we have  a child who they refused to place in a proper setting. WHY? Because as I was told, It's so expensive, we can't afford that because I have to be financially responsible for every child. The activity fund for high school kids was more that what was allowed for Special Education at Spring Grove School in PA. Another two comments were "is he staying" and "these foster kids sure move around".

   I know another parent who has a child in the same district and has to fight tooth and nail to have the child participate in activities as in "inclusion". But because the child is special needs beyond what is used to, the easy answer is, push away, and keep pushing until the parents find another way or give up fighting a very rich school.

                   Seven teachers will not be replaced giving the school back 750,000

and building allocations were reduced by 50,000.....Maybe a few just received a higher rate of pay.

     

Parents? How many Chances ?

    I'm sure many have read the recent article about a so called man who left his baby in the hot car while he worked a seven hour shift and the police found  a  search on his computer about how long does it take for an animal to die in a hot car. The police also say it isn't proven yet if he was the one to complete the search.
   Sometimes I do hate to be fair. I know if you are under so much stress you do almost forget and even forget a sleeping baby in the back seat, but you still have to take the punishment and sure many will say but he's already punished enough.

   Well I for one am sick of seeing so many neglectful and even abusive parents get chance after chance to bring a child home , only  to do it again. Is this all because of the cost? If a child goes back home, that means no more foster care costs. If a child is adopted the state still pays a stipend until the child is either eighteen or twenty-two and in college, and the same with kin-ship foster care and guardianship, so do they just want to save the state money at the cost of the life of a child? End of Story. Or is it ?

Retention for Judge Max Baer ? Sexual offender case

   OH this is freaking huge. I don't understand the retention thing except is appear judge Baer wants to stay on in his 199.000 year career.
   Listening to him and his causes made me think-this guy should stay, but then I checked him out. He has to go and here's why. First look him up yourself and decide once you read how he determined a sexual offender foster father. WTF !
    How did that person ever pass a background check to be involved in foster care in the first place. FIRE ALL INVOLVED !
   The child in the home was already molested before in a previous foster home and at the time the case came in front of Max Baer-not the actor(yet maybe) before anyone else decided to remove the child BAER decided it was in the best interest of the child to remain where she was-with a pedophile who committed sodomy on a child. WTF ? Why wasn't he fired then ?
   We wonder why so many kids rage and that's not to excuse those who really bring things on themselves, but cases like this...I hope someone teaches that kid about lawyers.

Foster Care & Adoption, an Easier Way

      There are many posts on line with people looking for a child to adopt, and usually they want a .baby. Why? Because they think  a baby has a better chance of growing up normally. But does the parent who is about to sign over the child tell a full truth as to, did they really use drugs, or drink alcohol? Those things are sometimes never revealed.
    So why not start as a pre-adoptive foster parent. There are so many kids who need good homes. Guarantees? Can you guarantee you're a perfect person, so how would a child?
    Please take time, call local foster care agencies, ask every question you should prior to a meeting, have written down. Foster parents are paid, and depending on what agency or county it's all different and they're are levels of care. Pay depends on that too, as it should. Even if you average it out to a twenty-four hour day, well you'd be surprised.
    Yet it's well worth it especially if you are looking to adopt a child who wants you as much as you want them. Many new adoptive parents don't know this next thing. If you adopt through a foster care agency, you will continue to receive an adoption stipend, helping with every day living until your child is either eighteen or possible twenty-two, in college.
     A last note about that perfect child you're searching for. How many parents who have had their own biological children, started out doing everything right are now visiting their kids in jail, or going to schools just made for trouble makers, dealing drugs, become alcoholics and worse, run-a-ways, not even knowing where there kids are.
    Take time, go slow. A child is waiting just for you.

Sex & Siblings ?

     I know. It's a disgusting title but I wanted something to get your attention. This is serious. Recently I found out and I have heard about this before but didn't pay as much attention to this fact: How many times does a man marry, have children, move so often that the siblings have different last names and don't know of other half-siblings existence.That man or men don't want to tell the new family that they have completely abandoned kids on the Eats Coast, or West Coast, or the Midwest, so they start anew, leaving children all over.
    Besides that, what about families who get spilt up due to foster care and adoption. Adoptive parents no longer have to have sibling contact and most don't because they want their new children to "move on."
    A few years ago a young man stopped by to do some work, said he was getting married soon. Marriage came, and back to work. At the after party he found out the young lady he married was his cousin. Because of names changes, family moving, re marriages he never knew just how close he and his new wife were. They did decide to remain married but won't have children.
     My point is, people, stop jumping into bed with someone you have just met or only had a few dates with. Know them, really know them, background, family history, adoption, foster care, single parents? You really need that information.
      I learned of a half sibling when I was about nineteen and so many years later find out that one brother out of six, happened to be born two months apart from another brother. Parents hide secrets because they don't want to admit to mistakes. Then there are the parents who simply never marry so kids take on either the fathers name or the mothers name. Years pass and they  separate and move. One parent take the son, another the daughter...I could go on with all kinds of examples. Please be careful and parents, you'll get more from your kids by telling them at appropriate times and ages those kinds of secrets. They have a right to know...or do you want them bring a sibling home to marry, after they've already been having sex?
 

Parents, Left Behind Children

       If I was allowed to write to biological parents, which include both mom and dad for children who are in foster care I would say this; Do you now just how much your child has grown? Do you know their favorite color and what makes them laugh, makes them happy and sad?
     Are you aware of the kinds of troubles they get into? Many get into the same issues as other kids, yet because of foster care, because you didn't care enough, they are made to feel worse as if what they did is completely unheard of, as if a child who lives with both parents are angels. Because foster children come from a life unexpected they bring their anger with them to each home they live in and they suffer or survive. Community parents may say, but my child never did that until...yeah, you get it. Still that is crap. Your child just did different things that the whole neighborhood hasn't learned about. A foster child may bring the cops many times, also known as your child, the one you felt wasn't worth cleaning up your life for. How many kids did you leave behind?
    I have seen what you posted on face book as the proud parent of four children. Are you nuts? Are you seriously nuts? You lost custody because of the horrors you forced on your children and now you walk free, work free, live and party without guilt. Your responsibility it seems ended the day you gave birth.
    Was it worth keeping the boyfriend who beat up your kids. He'll find someone else, but by then your children will have gone through the terrible ordeal of being removed by Children Services with Police Support. How awful is that and what a memory the children have? Thanks to you hapless and selfish idiots.
   Then of course there are the stand-by parents, the parents (which I say loosely) who watch one parent abuse repeatedly and do nothing. Of course you did nothing which is what you'll say at court, snivelling like a baby, but your honor, I didn't do anything. That's one hundred percent right. YOU let it happen, YOU!!! Useless, undeserving piece of crap. Sure I heard social workers say, but look at his or her past, how could the children stand a chance? One excuse after another and while some of it may be true, why were these children left in the care of those parents for such a long time? So in the end, who do we have as children in care?
   What will their future be and who if anyone will they trust? Most of all, how many times will they move and what happens to their education? By the way to those who gave up? lost their children due to neglect and worse, your child shared his tenth birthday with respite providers...strangers, imagine that.
     

Foster Care, Lock-up, Second Chances

          Hasn't your child asked for another chance, ad many times we give it to them. We all have our own parenting styles, some more strict, some less, and some who don't care at all. Those are the, parents for lack of a better word who never should have had children.
       Too many kids in foster care move around and each time they move they get a message, well a fresh start is good sometimes. How many fresh starts should they be allowed to have? Yet the problem comes up when a foster parent gives their notice which means that child has to move within thirty days. Giving notice is a last resort, I know. It's usually because the boy or girl is so destructive, foul-mouthed, disrespectful, steals, hurts other kids, trouble in the community hits the foster parent and many times much worse. Think it couldn't be worse? It can.
        Kids who come into foster care are usually there because of what the parents did or didn't do. Once a child is in foster long enough, sadly he or she, learns all about how to manipulate the system, and many times end up in residential housing.
Once that happens they get treated so differently than in foster care, yet many kids prefer residential, also known as Lock-up or lock down, not like detention at all, as they do get certain freedoms. Everything is accessible to them, a gym, a swimming pool, toys, outings, usually in the country somewhere, plenty of staff, good food and snacks as well. In many situations kids prefer that to foster care. WHY? In foster care you have to start living a life, to get used to being in a home hoping to get adopted. But when kids can't go back home they repeatedly mess it up for them selves. Yet their immature little minds tell them residential is better or some Lutheran, or Catholic Village type housing.
   The next time you meet a child who is in foster care, don't feel sorry for them, but ask how many times they have moved. That alone shows a pattern of behavior. They will not listen to nor respect adults. Ask this, how many second chances do you think you're entitled to? After all there will come a day when they reach eighteen and will wonder why they aren't prepared. Who will they blame then?
   I might sound callous, but I am only looking for more answers. If you think you can be a foster parent, please do, because who knows you may be who they are looking for, besides the parent who didn't fight for them, who didn't find them worth it.

Lost and Found Family

       I just watched this movie with a kid, and he was impressed, loved the story and loved the acting. I wondered if he would sit through it, so I bribed him a little with ice cream. Well I didn't really bribe him, just gave it to him hoping he'd want to sit, watch and enjoy-he did.
     Now I didn't want to buy ice cream today, knowing me and how I usually just shovel it in late at night, but decided I will just have a small cup mid-day, want to stick to my Fire-Engine 2 plan.
      Lost and Found Family is a wonderful movie for any family to enjoy and appreciate. I appreciated an older woman and an older guy, a judge yet, falling in love-lol. Please take a few minutes and answer with some comment the blog below. This is to help and have a goal unusual, of what we normally ask of kids. If he sees a few positive comments it will enforce his positive attitude. Thanks, Life is short, Be Happy.

Help This Kid-New Foster Care Law

       I am acquainted with a kid who wants to make a law which makes it beneficial for states to save money on and for children in foster care. This law would entail attachments to wages, Tax refunds, disability payments and social security benefits, much like child support.
       Parents who are in a child's life but divorced pay support.  When they can't things get attached. So Why should a parent who loses custody through no fault but their own, not have to pay. Why? They go on and have more marriages, relationships and even worse, more children. They get off scott free. These parents get years of help from the state to try to redo their wrongs in order to keep a family together. When the children are finally taken and rights terminated, that state and taxpayers pick up the bill. WHY?
       Okay I know why as do you, but why does the state allow this? So please let me know how you feel about a kid trying to make a law to have biological parents pay into a system for their well-being, at least from the time custody was lost until a child is eighteen, and it should be retroactive. Once the state decides how much should be paid monthly or bi-monthly, if that isn't kept up until eighteen, then the amount and court order continues until the amount is paid. Just to be clear, as an example if a child is seventeen, parents lost custody and the court ordered one hundred a month, that child should receive into an account or the state for care, a total of twelve hundred by the time the child is eighteen. If the money isn't paid it stays on the books until paid in full.
       These people move, change names and have replacement babies, but what about the kids left behind? If you agree, please leave a comment so he can see he has support to achieve his long term goal.

A Paycheck Away From Security? Cremation...

Isn't that how most of us feel? Like there's no place like home. We do worry about the economy and think for many that our individual jobs are so secure you wouldn't dare lose it. But things just don't work like that. In the case of an elderly parent dying, what does the spouse left behind have to live on? Can they make it on their own or do they have to move in with family? No one, no one at all wants that. Commercials fill the air waves with such doom and gloom: Make sure you get this life insurance. It only costs...Sure and when the time comes how do we know they'll still be there. So what do we do?

 First I was brought up in a time when many, not all parents decided what you'd be and what you're worth, so if you weren't worth all that much or not so smart you weren't taught some of the most important things in life, giving, saving and taking very good care of your health. Honestly, I'm no one to talk about saving, but am learning later in life. Never too late. So about insurance and burial costs. Think Cremation. Last year a friend was cremated. The cost? Eight thousand dollars! Can you imagine? I was at a genealogy center one day and this guy started   talking about his last days and how he wanted that handled. He called the hospital and a crematory and had a price of just over a hundred dollars. I don't remember the details, but it is definitely worth looking into.

WHY do we put our families through the expense, and a long drawn out funeral? WHY? We're gone so we don't care or just think oh they'll take care of it. NO! Don't do that to them. Make it fast and let them get on with life. Let them remember the good stuff and count on each other and friends to get through the grief. Even with cremation the costs come from all the fancy stuff. Listen up-if you weren't fancy in life, why now? You won't know.

Now about that job, keeping it or losing it. We're supposed to save three months of expenses at the least, six months are better. But what if you think you can't save anything. Please go see a financial person in your local church that you trust. Look around for different opportunities but don't quit until you have another job. Volunteer at a local hospital and while there check out the job lists.

       There are stay at home opportunities too, and better in a two parent home but one parent can do this too. Foster care. I was told years ago that many consider it as a part-time job, but you are helping out kids in need too. Check it out and check it out thoroughly. It is worth it. too many kids need a mom or dad. It can be short term or long term, so please check it out. There are other social service needs. Residential homes hire all the time , and for all shifts. Go for it.