17 Year Marriage Jinx or 4 Years Dating

        Let's start with the easy one. Have you been dating a guy four years or more? He's not going to marry you! He's using you until he finds someone who he thinks is better.
      Normally I don't believe in stats. All of those saying like , watch out if you've been married seventeen years. Statistics show that's the danger year. But it's true, Watch as you get close to the fifteenth year to the sixteenth? How is he changing, or she? One or the other starts to show changes, like meeting old friends, hair color, weight loss, a new car, out of town trips, emergency calls, has to go....yes, all excuses to meet the new lady or man in their lives. So what do you do?
        Usually this happens to a stay at home spouse because they have to be home to take care of the kids and then it just settles in that they keep on being a stay at home person without an outside job or income. The working partner no longer find the other interesting or valuable . So they seek out someone who is interesting, earns a paycheck.
           It's time before it's time to make your own money and make the other person who may be cheating accountable. If they have an emergency call and have to leave, let them know you're going to, to be supportive, you'll call a family member to watch the kids-then watch his or her face. Buying a new car, now has car payments, make sure somehow you put away each month a car payment for yourself in a personal bank account. Notice certain nights he has to go out after supper or shortly after he gets home? Beat him to the punch. Get ready before he gets in every night. Get an extra set of car keys made. As soon as he walks in you walk out.
       Tell him or her, going to meet friends, going to the library, take a college class about computers, self-worth, tell him you have a family emergency. If you get home he'll ask what family and you tel him, I'm the emergency, I have to get out as much as you do. Don't let him use you. Don't sit home and cry or wonder what he;s doing and with whom. Let him wonder.
      If you come home and he has a babysitter. Talk with her. Tell her you'll pay her not to come.
Be alert. MOST of all keep a file on everything that goes on and how much he makes and his SS number. Okay , I'm done for now, Good luck getting to and through the 17th year!

Cheating Spouses/Partners

        What is it that makes someone cheat? Ego? Of course. They think they'll never be caught, too smart, and so much better than who they're with. They think they deserve to cheat, that it's someone else's fault. Sure someone else, , no matter who, pushed you into cheating. They will twist and turn everything into, this was your fault; If you didn't yell, if you had my clothes ready, if you fixed yourself up, if you had my supper ready and so many more excuses.

     The best excuse is when they may want to get back together which is really for financial reasons and so they can cheat again is : It didn't mean anything !   I believe strongly anyone who has such an ego as to cheat is basically saying, "you're not good enough for me, I had to find someone else".  Of course it meant something ! That's just another lie. How many lies will be told and how long will they go on? Lies will go on as long as there is a connection, as long as he or she is grooming you to take them back. That may take months or a year but slowly they will wear a person down trying to prove they've changed. The only thing that changed is, their looking for someone else to cheat with.

         These people feel they have a right to cheat and yes will do it again and again. If the couple comes back together the cheater will think, Ha! He or she believed me, I can do it again, because he or she took me back which in their egotistical mind feels, the partner or spouse just isn't too bright and must really need me because they can't get anyone better than me. This is the internal message they send themselves which again gives them permission to cheat.

        There are all kinds of reasons or excuses people cheat and as adults, they may have individual reasons to feel it was acceptable, it was expected, and things will be okay again. No, it won't ! Every time that cheating person goes out the door, you will wonder, who is she or he talking to, why is it taking so long, what reason will he or she give when they do come back from "the store"? Oh the line was so long, the cashier messed up, I was stuck in traffic, I didn't have enough money. Excuses to call a new cheating partner ? TRUST ! That word no longer exists with cheaters. They cant be trusted, wake up!

       Are children in the picture? What reason or excuse will you give your kids when they find out and they will because there is always someone dying to tell what a rat that cheater was/is! Mainly people tell and talk because there are kids to think about. Some well meaning person will tell because they don't want a best friend to be hurt any longer but to get on with life with a truly all around good person and partner.

      Other kids will hear adults talking and pass along what they heard to the children of the cheating adult sounding like this: Did you know your mom or dad had a boyfriend or girlfriend? That's why sometimes they don't live together. Can you just hear that now? Adults talk and so do kids. They copy, mimic what they hear and do, especially when a parent says, go play.

       Two adults cheating?  Why? Go live apart. Be up front and divorce. Don't stay for financial reasons.. Kids involved ? Cheaters should have the guts to tell the partner or spouse, I have a problem, but the person who doesn't say that doesn't have courage, but does have an ego so big they know almost with certainty they'll talk their way back in and they'll act like a new, better, happier person who has learned a lesson. Watch out! They're  lying to themselves and to the partner /spouse, so how much collateral damage are you going to take? How damaged will you allow your children to take and will they, then do the same as they are learning. Be good to yourselves and your children. That's what you all  deserve.
        

16 Yrs. Married Love it Or List it Couple

       All I kept hearing with this couple was from the wife. She said repeatedly how the changes had to be made to KEEP her Husband. The Husband kept saying, I cant live with this and to be honest I didn't hear how this took off.
       What many couples don't realize is 17/seventeen years of marriage is the danger zone. So married sixteen years with two young sons, the wife and mother would be caught saying, well if this would keep him, that's what I want. She was happy a laundry area was being made to help her, but aah, again hubby says, I want a shower. Her face falls and again she said, if it will keep him, give it to him.
         How to you live like that being stripped of all self respect. Now he knows it too, so why does she need him so badly that she is willing on national television to belittle herself and raise him up so high as if he's Jesus.  Is it money, dependency, love, definitely not respect ?
         IF you saw how often she looked at him, flirty, over smiling as if she had to catch him again. She dressed nicer than he as if he no longer had to try but she had to try harder. He barely looked at her. IS this marriage already gone? Has he cheated or about too? Now that he knows how much she is willing to do to keep him, his head along with his thumb is extra large and the next thing in a skirt will take him away anyway. I would love the kids and list him !

Just How Important Is She/He ? Don't Wait

       Have you found yourself at any given time sitting alone and watching people ? Interesting huh ? But in that have you ever wished it was you ? If you have someone special in your life do not wait to make it permanent and don't keep them hanging because you're not sure.

      Life is so short. Remember leaving High school and now, what age are you? See how fast time passes. If you are still just dating at four years chances are by next year you have split up. Married and approaching that 17 year mark but it looks rocky;It probably is so do yourself and spouse a favor-put life back into the one you loved when you married him or her.
      At this writing I just received an e mail about a woman who is dying. Now she is ninety -one but in that it was told she never made plans for her final days as she was too busy living life. NOW that we can and should try to remember to do too.

      Please don't waste time with petty differences and yes, that always easy for anyone to say and sometimes we only realize it when we lose, when we have lost, when our loved one is no longer with us.
      Don't wait. Ask, receive and remain together in 2014
     

Sex & Siblings ?

     I know. It's a disgusting title but I wanted something to get your attention. This is serious. Recently I found out and I have heard about this before but didn't pay as much attention to this fact: How many times does a man marry, have children, move so often that the siblings have different last names and don't know of other half-siblings existence.That man or men don't want to tell the new family that they have completely abandoned kids on the Eats Coast, or West Coast, or the Midwest, so they start anew, leaving children all over.
    Besides that, what about families who get spilt up due to foster care and adoption. Adoptive parents no longer have to have sibling contact and most don't because they want their new children to "move on."
    A few years ago a young man stopped by to do some work, said he was getting married soon. Marriage came, and back to work. At the after party he found out the young lady he married was his cousin. Because of names changes, family moving, re marriages he never knew just how close he and his new wife were. They did decide to remain married but won't have children.
     My point is, people, stop jumping into bed with someone you have just met or only had a few dates with. Know them, really know them, background, family history, adoption, foster care, single parents? You really need that information.
      I learned of a half sibling when I was about nineteen and so many years later find out that one brother out of six, happened to be born two months apart from another brother. Parents hide secrets because they don't want to admit to mistakes. Then there are the parents who simply never marry so kids take on either the fathers name or the mothers name. Years pass and they  separate and move. One parent take the son, another the daughter...I could go on with all kinds of examples. Please be careful and parents, you'll get more from your kids by telling them at appropriate times and ages those kinds of secrets. They have a right to know...or do you want them bring a sibling home to marry, after they've already been having sex?