17 Year Marriage Jinx or 4 Years Dating

        Let's start with the easy one. Have you been dating a guy four years or more? He's not going to marry you! He's using you until he finds someone who he thinks is better.
      Normally I don't believe in stats. All of those saying like , watch out if you've been married seventeen years. Statistics show that's the danger year. But it's true, Watch as you get close to the fifteenth year to the sixteenth? How is he changing, or she? One or the other starts to show changes, like meeting old friends, hair color, weight loss, a new car, out of town trips, emergency calls, has to go....yes, all excuses to meet the new lady or man in their lives. So what do you do?
        Usually this happens to a stay at home spouse because they have to be home to take care of the kids and then it just settles in that they keep on being a stay at home person without an outside job or income. The working partner no longer find the other interesting or valuable . So they seek out someone who is interesting, earns a paycheck.
           It's time before it's time to make your own money and make the other person who may be cheating accountable. If they have an emergency call and have to leave, let them know you're going to, to be supportive, you'll call a family member to watch the kids-then watch his or her face. Buying a new car, now has car payments, make sure somehow you put away each month a car payment for yourself in a personal bank account. Notice certain nights he has to go out after supper or shortly after he gets home? Beat him to the punch. Get ready before he gets in every night. Get an extra set of car keys made. As soon as he walks in you walk out.
       Tell him or her, going to meet friends, going to the library, take a college class about computers, self-worth, tell him you have a family emergency. If you get home he'll ask what family and you tel him, I'm the emergency, I have to get out as much as you do. Don't let him use you. Don't sit home and cry or wonder what he;s doing and with whom. Let him wonder.
      If you come home and he has a babysitter. Talk with her. Tell her you'll pay her not to come.
Be alert. MOST of all keep a file on everything that goes on and how much he makes and his SS number. Okay , I'm done for now, Good luck getting to and through the 17th year!

Cheating Spouses/Partners

        What is it that makes someone cheat? Ego? Of course. They think they'll never be caught, too smart, and so much better than who they're with. They think they deserve to cheat, that it's someone else's fault. Sure someone else, , no matter who, pushed you into cheating. They will twist and turn everything into, this was your fault; If you didn't yell, if you had my clothes ready, if you fixed yourself up, if you had my supper ready and so many more excuses.

     The best excuse is when they may want to get back together which is really for financial reasons and so they can cheat again is : It didn't mean anything !   I believe strongly anyone who has such an ego as to cheat is basically saying, "you're not good enough for me, I had to find someone else".  Of course it meant something ! That's just another lie. How many lies will be told and how long will they go on? Lies will go on as long as there is a connection, as long as he or she is grooming you to take them back. That may take months or a year but slowly they will wear a person down trying to prove they've changed. The only thing that changed is, their looking for someone else to cheat with.

         These people feel they have a right to cheat and yes will do it again and again. If the couple comes back together the cheater will think, Ha! He or she believed me, I can do it again, because he or she took me back which in their egotistical mind feels, the partner or spouse just isn't too bright and must really need me because they can't get anyone better than me. This is the internal message they send themselves which again gives them permission to cheat.

        There are all kinds of reasons or excuses people cheat and as adults, they may have individual reasons to feel it was acceptable, it was expected, and things will be okay again. No, it won't ! Every time that cheating person goes out the door, you will wonder, who is she or he talking to, why is it taking so long, what reason will he or she give when they do come back from "the store"? Oh the line was so long, the cashier messed up, I was stuck in traffic, I didn't have enough money. Excuses to call a new cheating partner ? TRUST ! That word no longer exists with cheaters. They cant be trusted, wake up!

       Are children in the picture? What reason or excuse will you give your kids when they find out and they will because there is always someone dying to tell what a rat that cheater was/is! Mainly people tell and talk because there are kids to think about. Some well meaning person will tell because they don't want a best friend to be hurt any longer but to get on with life with a truly all around good person and partner.

      Other kids will hear adults talking and pass along what they heard to the children of the cheating adult sounding like this: Did you know your mom or dad had a boyfriend or girlfriend? That's why sometimes they don't live together. Can you just hear that now? Adults talk and so do kids. They copy, mimic what they hear and do, especially when a parent says, go play.

       Two adults cheating?  Why? Go live apart. Be up front and divorce. Don't stay for financial reasons.. Kids involved ? Cheaters should have the guts to tell the partner or spouse, I have a problem, but the person who doesn't say that doesn't have courage, but does have an ego so big they know almost with certainty they'll talk their way back in and they'll act like a new, better, happier person who has learned a lesson. Watch out! They're  lying to themselves and to the partner /spouse, so how much collateral damage are you going to take? How damaged will you allow your children to take and will they, then do the same as they are learning. Be good to yourselves and your children. That's what you all  deserve.
        

Julia Gillard

      I wish I knew more about this lady who has more guts than any politician I know about in the US.
If we. the United States of America, taking in immigrants followed her same path, her moral courage, we would be taking our own country back. We are slowly losing who and what we stood for because we have bleeding hearts in congress/running America.
      They are men and women who we and our children are supposed to look up to, model after. Are we kidding ? So now we have a hero amongst hero's or I should say heroines. Let our children look up to this woman. She tells it not just like it is to sound good, to get applause, to sound like a rock star. So many people voted for Obama because as I've heard he comes across like a rock star. Look at our rock stars. CAll then CROTCH stars, addicts, on and on. They are people who live a lavish life, spoiled, marry and remarry, have kids here and there. How and why should our kids look up to Rock stars?
     Yes, I did too at one time. I didn't know what and who they were, what they did, yet there was a time, I loved George Jones and one day as I was telling my kids that he beat his wife, my daughter reminded me as I did her, buying records and even listening to that music is in support of a man who beats his wife. I stopped listening. I stopped playing George Jones. Lets stop playing to the congressional, country leaders who think they're rock stars. Follow Julia Gillard. more than Australian, A much needed American at heart.

Churches, Contentment, and Wanting More

       On the way home today I heard a guy named Jeff Manion? It was a Christian station which I put on at times too hear more about another side of things going on. So today's topic was of course about being satisfied.  A question was asked of him concerned how would he answer when people ask, how can you talk about being satisfied, you have money, a big house, cars and don't have to need or want for anything. His answer to me seemed to be out of both sides of his mouth, yet I appreciate and understand what he meant-in a way.
        Manion said, I wasn't always in the state I'm in and yes, I have big church who is very giving to those who work for the church. But when I was much younger and struggling my wife and i tried so hard to find a way to still give, even knowing we couldn't afford it. Having three kids at the time his wife ended up being a stay at home mom and finally when she went back to work they were able to enjoy more in life. Okay, so is that telling me they wanted more, and weren't satisfied in what they had? But here he is telling others to be satisfied. He also wants you to buy his book.
        Allowing your self to be called a Christian opens the door for all kinds of critics, myself included. So that means when a person is a Christian and say they'll call you but instead ignore you, it's okay because as the sign says, "I'm not perfect, just forgiven". Cop out? Excuse ? Should I remain satisfied because some who said they'll call didn't, and not be upset, not say, I knew it and on and on, only making the issues bigger and bigger inside my head.
      How many times have you called, e mailed, passed along a message, only to not receive any kind of reply-but according to good old Jeff, you should be satisfied to be treated as a non person. I give up. Someone  said to me a while ago, I knew you were expecting...and I said no, I wasn't expecting anything. I'm sure you know the rest, don't expect, you won't be disappointed, but I made it sound easier, saying I know how busy people are so I never expect. But I really never expect because I don't like the outcome, especially of those who are in such positions that you almost put faith in them to answer, reply, respond or even tell you, don't bother me, go to hell, but just ignore?
      Hey it's all good. I'm satisfied because I think I know people pretty well, the more important you become, the less others are.
     JEff Manion as you climbed your ladder of success, I only wonder why you wanted more, and more. Why weren't you satisfied?

Buying Beer in Brooklyn

           Imagine being insulted because you couldn't buy beer! When I was kid, younger than my sister my father would send us on weekends to buy beer. We first lived on fifty-ninth street below fourth avenue and then moved to fifthy-sixth street between fourt and fifth avenues. There were at first seven kids then Jimmy came along once we moved to fifty-sixth street.
    I don't know why this subject just hit me. My sister and I used to talk about it with a younger brother at times, but for me those times are no more. It doesn't matter as well all have different memories but when one person has memories much different than the rest, it causes a drift, and those memories are not what people want to be reminded of, so what's best for the whole is...you guessed it-almost. I was teh one who decided to seperate from the rest.
   Well this family was a hoot. We were mostly good kids as we were too afriad to be anything else with the kind of being my father was. He would send us kids to buy beer on Friday and Saturday nights. The horrors alcohol brings on a family many know about and I think I found out worse than the rest.
   Okay back to beer buying. My brothers and sister always wanted to go because it meant, mainly getting away from them, the so called adults. One night a step brother (who I just learned about since he another another brother were born two months apart in the same year) went to buy beer and pick up shirts from the Chinese laundry, lost the twenty-dollar bill our father gave him. It was windy and winter, but not snowing. Three of us took turns going out with him to find it. But he found it and returned with two large six packs of Schaefer Beer and a bag of shirts wrapped in brown paper with white string.
    All was good. Now a brother, R. and I went out one night, also to get beer. He and I always laughed, were very close as we were the two idiots to the father of the house and even at time to the mother, yet in many ways she felt sorry for us, more for the brother. So he and I went to buy beer. I remember wearing my long boy coat. It was navy blue, double breasted and just as we got close to the Deli, we both see a giant puddle of water and dare each other to jump it. I am laughing as I just think about this fifty years later. I said to him, R no! Don't do it,please. I knew he would make it. He said to me you go first, and I did. I jumped it ad cleared it, very much a Tom-boy. Then when I saw he was about to, I yelled at him, Please R. no, don't do it, you know I'll laugh! He jumped, I laughed and then I peed. Then his high pitch giggle came on and I went myself again.
     Oh what a bad habit I had. Anyway we brought back the beer and there was my sister , waiting. She said, that's not fair, I'm old enough, you two aren't, but I can't buy beer. Maybe, just maybe they knew,the store owners, that my brother and I would never whine about buying it or not. We would keep the secret, because we were use to it.