He came from another foster home as many do. Many foster children move around. I've seen ads on TV where kids are paid to say, and yet I know it's true, "all I remember is moving around and having things taken away from me".
Here's what I know about these two things. Don't we take away things from our own children as a consequence? Now moving around is another story. Many, many kids dislike the rules so much they continue to make living in a home so stressful and I'm sure reading this you may think, well you don't make your own kids move. Correct. Yet in foster care sometimes the goal of a child, or teen is to keep trying new homes until he or she gets what they want and there are many homes that give kids, their own TV, a game system overload on snacks, anything so the foster parents don't have to bother especially if they're being paid well. Yes, many are paid very well, but never enough to put up with the following:
Here's what I know about these two things. Don't we take away things from our own children as a consequence? Now moving around is another story. Many, many kids dislike the rules so much they continue to make living in a home so stressful and I'm sure reading this you may think, well you don't make your own kids move. Correct. Yet in foster care sometimes the goal of a child, or teen is to keep trying new homes until he or she gets what they want and there are many homes that give kids, their own TV, a game system overload on snacks, anything so the foster parents don't have to bother especially if they're being paid well. Yes, many are paid very well, but never enough to put up with the following:
- Getting called to school daily
- being told to go F yourself
- punching holes in the walls
- firesetters
- sexual issues
- masturbating on the toilet seat
- destroying rooms
- breaking a parents personal items
- Cursing in a conversation as if its an everyday and okay thing to do
- listening to a parent use the bathroom
- Having the police at your door about every second day
- refusing to get on or out of a van
- threatening to blow up a school, jump off a building and so much more
These are really a few reasons why parents give their notice among having to stay all night or ten until a hospital finds another hospital that will accept the child with so many issues, that many residential hospitals won't accept a child. My last child was moved to another state for just that reason.
Now the little guy I'm talking about J, only wanted to be adopted, that's all. He loved the family he was with and they loved him. But one day he overstepped his boundaries looking for attention and tried to seriously hurt himself, but it was all fake. That was enough for the mother to call and give her notice. She was afraid but realized a few minutes later she jumped the gun, called back and said it was a mistake. The agency said too late . They called me right away and I took him. He stayed about two to three months. He had a medical issue which wasn't a problem, but he also wouldn't listen to a curfew, He was I believe, thirteen and so cute. HE loved dogs, wanted me to get him one.
No, I tried that before and wouldn't work for me. I loved taking the kids on trips, buying nice clothes, out to eat at better restaurants so they learn social skills . HE kept asking me about adoption and I was honest, I wasn't young enough, He kept taking off, running out in bare feet, hurting himself. Finally I was told to take him to the ER to take care of a problem, then get him to a residential about an hour away. Getting him home and trying to get meds into him., I promised McDonalds which he loved and we rarely went to. HE fell asleep in the car, but I went through Mc D's anyway, got him to this horrible place where I drove through two huge steel doors, like a dam!
Once awake and inside it still took him a few minutes to realize where he was. He was repeatedly told this would happen by the agency. The agency rep who should have taken him would have been very impersonal, but I knew after this one time at this place, I'd never, ever do it again.
I remember even now, his tone of voice, his pleading, Nancy, don't leave me, please don't leave me here, about eight times until they told me to go. The drive home at ten o'clock was memorable with memories of us having silly giggling times and long talks about everything imaginable.
It took him a few months to adjust and behave, finally accepting if he was to ever get out of that place he needed to simply bee good, not so simple. Yet he made it. It wasn't long before that a family was found and this time, finally he found his new and forever dad and mom. HE wanted a dad so much and he also got his dog. His dream came true.
One Christmas at an airport I received a call from a man asking if I was who I was. Yes, this is me. He asked if I remembered J and I said Hell yes ! He explained the events that led to adoption and they were on their way to Montana, I think, for the holidays and that J now also has a dog. HE said J talks about me often. kool, made me happy. Then he asked, would you like to take to him? He really is anxious to take to you. IT felt wonderful to know this wonderful boy was happy, adopted and that his dream came true. We talked a few more times that year, then I let go. He's happy and he has my number if he wants to call, but I think that need is gone. Stay Happy J !
