Parents, Left Behind Children

       If I was allowed to write to biological parents, which include both mom and dad for children who are in foster care I would say this; Do you now just how much your child has grown? Do you know their favorite color and what makes them laugh, makes them happy and sad?
     Are you aware of the kinds of troubles they get into? Many get into the same issues as other kids, yet because of foster care, because you didn't care enough, they are made to feel worse as if what they did is completely unheard of, as if a child who lives with both parents are angels. Because foster children come from a life unexpected they bring their anger with them to each home they live in and they suffer or survive. Community parents may say, but my child never did that until...yeah, you get it. Still that is crap. Your child just did different things that the whole neighborhood hasn't learned about. A foster child may bring the cops many times, also known as your child, the one you felt wasn't worth cleaning up your life for. How many kids did you leave behind?
    I have seen what you posted on face book as the proud parent of four children. Are you nuts? Are you seriously nuts? You lost custody because of the horrors you forced on your children and now you walk free, work free, live and party without guilt. Your responsibility it seems ended the day you gave birth.
    Was it worth keeping the boyfriend who beat up your kids. He'll find someone else, but by then your children will have gone through the terrible ordeal of being removed by Children Services with Police Support. How awful is that and what a memory the children have? Thanks to you hapless and selfish idiots.
   Then of course there are the stand-by parents, the parents (which I say loosely) who watch one parent abuse repeatedly and do nothing. Of course you did nothing which is what you'll say at court, snivelling like a baby, but your honor, I didn't do anything. That's one hundred percent right. YOU let it happen, YOU!!! Useless, undeserving piece of crap. Sure I heard social workers say, but look at his or her past, how could the children stand a chance? One excuse after another and while some of it may be true, why were these children left in the care of those parents for such a long time? So in the end, who do we have as children in care?
   What will their future be and who if anyone will they trust? Most of all, how many times will they move and what happens to their education? By the way to those who gave up? lost their children due to neglect and worse, your child shared his tenth birthday with respite providers...strangers, imagine that.
     

Innocense is Priceless (this came from an e-mail)

INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'

'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this? '

The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,

'Which service, the 8:30 or the 11:00?'

What it takes to be a Good Parent and Parents

      This is my opinion only and you know about that.
It takes teamwork, teamwork to do what is best for  a child. Some parents work non-stop figuring out how to handle an issue such as for example cloth diapers, religion, recycling, and take care of the environment because it always affects the present and the future. They have and love their pets and take care of them, making them as important as any family member. They have a conscience about who takes care of their child or children, knowing what's out there and who to trust. They trust themselves. Right on!!!
       Sure no one is perfect and there certainly aren't perfect parents, after all who gets the blame when a child acts up. But make sure to know this before you blame the parents. Has the child had a good foundation, stable parents, spiritually involved, involved in educational matters, made as many efforts as humanly possible to guide that child or children to explore careers and let the child know, it isn't always money that comes first. It is though a matter of self sufficiency, enough to become independent of parents. That's our job, to stick with our children until they need to, ready or not sometimes to fly the coop. If we have done our job, they will fly.
       It may feel at times like someone has clipped their wings, but the fact is they are probably learning all about life's mistakes and priorities and they will fly again. They will know how to bounce back, not feel sorry for them selves, although I think we all do that at times and most of all, know they were, are loved and can do anything weather on a mountaintop or in a valley. There will even be times we may say, why didn't I think of that? When they have turned the tables, becomes self supporting, giving and caring people, ridding themselves of old bad habits,  because they have become truly responsible setting an example for their children,you know you have done a good job.
 P.S. I'm still waiting for someone to raise me:)
   

Those Little Footsteps...No More

       The silence of one is something I enjoy, but I most enjoy a bunch of kids, laughing, being silly, taking them out, making crafts, and simply letting them enjoy being a child. For almost a week I've had two young guests, siblings and you know how that is. Siblings are interesting and fun. No matter how different, they are the same in the important things in life. But I don't mean all siblings.
       I've come to learn about a silence of two, no words to express that except wish to be one again or have a bunch of kids running around, yelling, laughing, playing make believe, reading, and so much more. Kids who have a wide variety of interests are so easy to please. Kids who don't have many interests lack motivation, so it's up to us as parents to try and try again to motivate.
      My time this past week with these little guys brought a refreshed interest. I heard appreciative thank-yous'. I saw facial expressions of fun, laughter, interest, curiosity, sadness, daydreaming and had questions galore. What a pleasure! They talked and asked questions about my children, places I've been, they've been, and where we could go. They talked about things they read, discoveries they've made and their teachers, what they've learned that day. These little guys love their teachers, and how they're taught at school. I wish their teacher's could read this.
        When I drop one brother off at school, another brother and I wait over a half an hour for his bell, and we sit and watch. One by one they drive into the parking lot, open the doors and bags in hand walk past us. He waves. They give him a big smile and wave back. We talk about who each teacher is and he never stops talking, but in such a good way. He's interesting, not just rattling on. He describes them and what they offer to kids. He knows them well.
          The other brother is a big time reader, yet both are. One reads more and he talks too. He talks about his characters and then compares people he meets to having similarities  to some of the characters. He also asks me a lot of questions. He is so cute as is his brother. So individual are they, that they both becomes favorites and  a person just wants to do for them, take care of them, nurture, hug, play, take them to parks, let them stay up a little bit later and just stay little. These little guys give , I think much more than they get. They just don't know it yet. Children of God, definitely, and where ever they are in life I hope people always treat them as treasures...because they are.
           Those little footsteps...I miss them, but hopefully they'll be back:)
        

A Paycheck Away From Security? Cremation...

Isn't that how most of us feel? Like there's no place like home. We do worry about the economy and think for many that our individual jobs are so secure you wouldn't dare lose it. But things just don't work like that. In the case of an elderly parent dying, what does the spouse left behind have to live on? Can they make it on their own or do they have to move in with family? No one, no one at all wants that. Commercials fill the air waves with such doom and gloom: Make sure you get this life insurance. It only costs...Sure and when the time comes how do we know they'll still be there. So what do we do?

 First I was brought up in a time when many, not all parents decided what you'd be and what you're worth, so if you weren't worth all that much or not so smart you weren't taught some of the most important things in life, giving, saving and taking very good care of your health. Honestly, I'm no one to talk about saving, but am learning later in life. Never too late. So about insurance and burial costs. Think Cremation. Last year a friend was cremated. The cost? Eight thousand dollars! Can you imagine? I was at a genealogy center one day and this guy started   talking about his last days and how he wanted that handled. He called the hospital and a crematory and had a price of just over a hundred dollars. I don't remember the details, but it is definitely worth looking into.

WHY do we put our families through the expense, and a long drawn out funeral? WHY? We're gone so we don't care or just think oh they'll take care of it. NO! Don't do that to them. Make it fast and let them get on with life. Let them remember the good stuff and count on each other and friends to get through the grief. Even with cremation the costs come from all the fancy stuff. Listen up-if you weren't fancy in life, why now? You won't know.

Now about that job, keeping it or losing it. We're supposed to save three months of expenses at the least, six months are better. But what if you think you can't save anything. Please go see a financial person in your local church that you trust. Look around for different opportunities but don't quit until you have another job. Volunteer at a local hospital and while there check out the job lists.

       There are stay at home opportunities too, and better in a two parent home but one parent can do this too. Foster care. I was told years ago that many consider it as a part-time job, but you are helping out kids in need too. Check it out and check it out thoroughly. It is worth it. too many kids need a mom or dad. It can be short term or long term, so please check it out. There are other social service needs. Residential homes hire all the time , and for all shifts. Go for it.

LL Bean Boots-Made in the USA!!!

Now you know where and what company to buy an American made product from. LL Bean boots are made in Maine. Shop American, shop LL Bean, made by AMERICANS for AMERICANS, no more to say, well one more thing, maybe just maybe buy a pair for a homeless kid in America. That's the best gift you could give yourself.
   Red, white and blue, recognize those colors?

Unsolicited Mail-You're getting it back! See Bottom

       People come on, let's stick together. Let's send it back. Either write on it asap, return to sender/sender unknown, or pack it all up in one envelope and once a month send it to one of those annoying ad companies that send to you. I know, I know, all ya have to do is take your name off a list. Well I am trying, but in the meantime, I continue to get mail from places I never even heard of, and they are getting it back!
      The poor mail carriers have to carry all that junk. As "they" say, they're outta be a law. Companies should only be allowed to send to those who they do business with, and not more than one mailing a month. How many times, how many times I say do we have to get mail from a furniture store that says, year end closing, discounts, twenty-percent off after they raised it twenty-five percent, and then get this one...going out of business! So when you go in and ask when they're going out of business, its either, well when the lease is up  or, I think at the end of the year and its only January. Save your money, screw the sales, take yourself on a vacation and spend time with people you want to be with. You should even give it away before selling out to those greedy business owners.( not all) Look at where you can donate it before buying a new sofa:
   St. Jude's, The American Heart Aassociation, Cancer, Juvenile Diabetes, Juvenile Arthritis and so many more. Kids are hungry in America,  need health care, dental treatment and so much more, so before you buy into a year end sale, invest in a child.

At What Price...Happiness

     Most people are thinking Thanksgiving, families, football and who to invite over or where we will go. Many of those same people can't afford it. The world is quickly turning into an old newspaper called the Enquirer. Okay maybe not really a"newspaper". As a kid I heard it was called a rag paper. But the funny thing is, I remember stories blazing on the front page showing images of very young children looking like very old people:yes, progeria as we now know it's called. But then adults would say, boy that paper will make up anything for a buck. There were stories about two headed cows, aliens, area 51 and so much more which is now known today as truth.
       Then pedophiles were completely ignored and the victims were, nine out of ten made out to be liars. But I remember those pedophiles. There was Casper the shoemaker, short, dirty from shoe polish with an accent and Mr. Sheen , a well-dressed Irish neighbor who people said was such a nice guy, the candy store owner, a sloppy disgusting pig looking man and of course fathers and brothers on the block. It was all so familiar.
        What makes it worse? The kids who it happened to didn't couldn't and wouldn't talk about it. Every day it was there but the pretense of happiness was better to live with, not easier, just better. No one knew who it happened to so who could you trust to tell. There was one man, a father in the neighborhood who we all knew about. They were Peurto Rican. I remember my mother talking to the mom who was somewhat slow mentally, and her son and one daughter was an almost replica. But one daughter was different. She was of average intelligence and pretty.
Her father was a very handsome man, friendly, talked to many and like most perverts, people thought he was a nice guy-that is until the cops came one day and took him away.
       His daughter was pregnant, and he went away to prison for  a long time. When he got out he divorced his wife and his daughter and they moved in together. Was that happiness for her? What did she sacrifice? Everything.
          Happiness is like the ocean. It comes in waves, and sometimes washes enough old stuff away that the good lasts longer each time. We have to help that goodness along. Just like that neighbor kid, we were told to mind our own business. She was our business. When do we learn and what does it take to get involved where we're told we don't belong.
           If the waves come too fast, you have to step backwards. Remember that cold feeling of getting wet when you're not ready?
    Help someone. Don't always mind your own business, get involved and yes be careful. Have a good Thanksgiving. Try not to gossip about people because you don't know if you're being gossiped about too and don't pass the buck, unless it's to a charity, or a church that is really doing good, and most of all if you think you can't do anything, you can pray. It's still free in these United States. Sleep Well:)

Joe Paterno-Why didn't they all do more? That Stain!

        We don't understand why Joe Paterno didn't do more and why all involved and yes I say as much as I don't like to say, involved because those who stand by and do little or not enough are involved. Like many I too loved Joe Paterno and what he stood for, as I did Penn State. This past week I'm not sure how I feel about him or the University. I do know yesterday when I put a shirt on, a Penn State shirt, suddenly I looked down with a feeling of being unsure. I said the hell with it. This is mine, paid for twice, once with my education and once at the Penn State store.
         It was an old short sleeve white with Blue lettering, filled with stains from years of wear. So I had two little kids visiting, finished dressing and went to my local market run by nice country people with those back country roads accents. As I picked up a pre-ordered roast, I heard a voice, looked to what he was doing as he asked to people behind the counter, does anyone want a piece of the paper, Penn State or the cartoons. I felt a shame and my face redden. Was that remark meant for me because I had that shirt on or was I being paranoid?
          Either way, the boys and I went home, put the roast away, sat and talked about what we were going to do when we went out for he day. Just as we were about to leave I said hold on guys, I have to change. I went in my room and grabbed any old top. When I came out the little guy asked, as he knew how much I loved Penn State, hey where's your Penn State shirt? With simple and plain honesty a little kid could understand I said, it filled with stains. I knew he thought I meant the spotted drips of time, but I didn't.
           Yesterday we went out, basketball, hiking, a playground, the library, and art museum and eating out of course and I talked to them more in depth about that stranger danger stuff. They said they knew it all, and I try to teach any kids who I may work with about this. I asked, what if you were in the bathroom at the movies and some man comes up and touches you? One said, I don't know. He's ten. The other at twelve said, I'll yell at him, you're not my father or mother. So was he telling me something else in that statement I have to report-indeed I will. I will write in into notes, and report it to about and at least four people. Or was he simply telling me It's only in appropriate if anyone other than a parent touches you anywhere, as in washing a kids face etc?
             I knew then both of these boys after talking to them have been very sheltered from and with words like molestation. Since they are visiting I felt at first it isn't my place to teach them, then I said the hell with it and told them. I educated them on these things this weekend that I'm sure some grown-ups will not like as these kids have been very spiritually educated and in that, have also been verbally protected and don't know how many predators are really out to harm such innocence.
      Today we are going out into crowds and I will be close, but what happens when they go to the bathroom. I am giving them whistles and have told them to yell fire and yell don't touch me like that, as loud as you can, and keep on yelling. Yes you may think if a kid yells fire it gives an opportunity for kidnapping-true-but hopefully while others are running out, I will be running in to grab two sets of hands.
     As far as Joe Paterno and the other's involved in it, brings me to the old adage, if you're not with me, you're against me. That stain doesn't wash away so easily. How long do you think it stays within the victims?

Chad, Part 2-The DEVIL-NO FEAR

       So now he's moved in and we have what's known as the honeymoon period and I was told his MHP, Mental Health Professional will stop by once a week. By The Way, when I mentioned having a masters degree meant nothing, that's just my personal opinion. I have seen about four to five people who get the title MHP after only a month of training. Some deserve that title simply and I don't really mean simply, after teaching in schools for fifteen years like my latest MHP, but others like many in social work, use this position as a stepping stone to other fields. So to add a title like MHP to a resume makes them sound like they knew what they were doing.

      Okay back to Chad. That poor kid was stuck with me, a newbie who thought parenting your own  made you an expert on other kids coming into your home. Not by a long shot. Well I really liked this little guy, and we had fun which I love doing with kid, and making sure they have enough to eat, sleep well, and are safe.
On the way home one day he asks me if I knew about the devil. I said well, I heard of him, and let "Chad" talk. He told me of a place he stayed at,a home for unruly boys, and shortly before Halloween one night a staffer is outside his window. Chad doesn't see or hear anyone. Now this is a kid who was dropped off on a city street at the age of four, lived in a crack house while parents got stoned and drunk.

       It was dark out and he was living there just a few weeks. Suddenly two hands smack at the window and a deep Red DEVIL's face is pressed against the window. Chad was eight or nine, and let out a scream as other staff, laughing came in and told him soemone was playing a joke. Isn't that kool? Isn't that funny? These adults,a word I use with caution, were in charge of kids already damaged, and helping them along, to almost insure they would continue on that crooked road. Chad never forgot that experience and even though he logically knew it was a joke, he became so frightened of the dark, the devil,  and noises that it took a ton of med to help him sleep.

        Over a period of time as he relaxed in my home, he showed what he had inside of him, from sweetness to a charmer to an angry, angry child like a boil festering at the least little thing that didn't seem to go right that day. Then it would come,his explosions, the terror of his anger with destruction unlike any I experienced, with the exception of my own father, but this was a ten year-old!
I asked myself how could a ten year old do this and think it was okay. What I've learned is they don't have any fear of serious repercussions, and through each time they move they pass on to other kids this: hey they can't do anything to you, they're not your real parents, they can't spank you-and there it is, they can't spank you. No fear of being treated anything like the parents. With rules we have to follow, we have to feed, clothe, give allowance for no reason at all, take to doctors, and more.  A whole lot better than home and  there are guidelines, so once a child knows this at some point the honeymoon is over and then they really move in.

       I'm good with all those rules, except allowance, but we can save it for them so they don't have to get it in their hands each week, or buy savings bonds. But even in care, there are parents who don't abide by the rules and get away with it.
So what I learned about Chad was, he was used to moving on, like so many kids are and I've seen so many commercials where kids they I always had things taken away from me, and I remember always having to move. Pulls at your heart?

         What those nice kids aren't saying is the destruction they caused, and definitely not all, but a lot of them. They don't tell you how they broke your possessions and stole, broke into your room, into your computer, put a large sized kid hole in your wall, gave your phone number out to anyone who wanted it. lied over and over, broke your heater, poked holes in walls with sticks, peed on the floor, smeared feces on walls, felt sick and would refuse to go in the bathroom, threaten to kill you or themselves just for trying to get you mad. They won't tell you how they keyed your vehicle, cut up pictures and the trail of destruction.
How easily they forget. No I am not angry about all this, but those are just commercials selling a product, like all commercials are, and never ever tell the complete truth. Chard part 3 con't tomorrow