My First and Last Foster Son

       When I lived with this little guy, my first foster son, I quickly learned how society, well, maybe not society but the system cheats many kids like him. His anger was as I was told, starts at zero and goes to a hundred in ten seconds. I never experienced that, ( well yes I did growing up ) Another thing I never experienced was the fact that this eleven year old could only read about second grade. On the way to my house we stopped at a diner and I gave him the menu. He pushed it back telling me he couldn't read it. I thought he was joking, but soon found out he meant it. Maybe I should have taken another look at the residence hall/school where he went to school. Kids sat in a classroom that was barely light. I found out it wasn't about teaching and learning but low lights keep the kids calm and I did see  him laying on his desk.
          -I'll continue this tomorrow-
        Well from the start we appeared to have a nice relationship. It took a while before school would allow him in, to see what was a proper and age related class. As I write this my mind shifts between this child , C and my last child B.  It wasn't long before trouble started in school and the calls came to pick him up.
         The worst call was tell me he ripped a teachers tie off. I walked into the middle school and he was sitting alone in an office crying. I was brought into a room and given the story, which didn't make sense. It was obvious to me the school wanted him gone. The teacher whose tie he ripped off, was muscular, shaved head, and now wearing contacts. Yes, that matters to me because a couple of years back he was this, glasses and balding, so now his ego was really out there even in how he spoke, nothing like a couple of years ago.
           They finally brought the boy in and C gave his story. I believed him. He admitted he was wrong, that he had a comic and didn't put it down right away, but what the teacher left out was that he got made at the boy and ripped it from his hands at which point the boy followed the same pattern, and yes, wrong it was. I was told this man was a special ed teacher. He wasn't two years back. Where was his patience? Following the tie incident I was told the boy picked up a chair to throw at the teacher. The boy said he picked up the chair to sit in the corner. Not sure what was true about that.
More became clear about ripping the teachers tie off. It appeared it became caught in something and the teacher ripped it off. Either way he was suspended for ten days, the legal time for a child in special needs classes.
              HE was moved to a behavioral school. What followed at home was a series of mostly good time, eating out, watching his favorite shows, no cable and he loved the old black and white shows, leave it to Beaver, Gunsmoke, Bonanza, and most from the old days. I took him on a trip to New York. All went great. We stayed a two nights in Long Island and he had a ball and I did too watching him watch people. Early one morning he saw a man fishing on the oceans edge, asked if he could go down and talk to him. Sure, He did and had a great time. We checked out and stopped at a merry go round place where he caught brass rings.
            Then we had lunch on the Island and off to check into a Brooklyn Hotel, one I usually stay at and it was such a nice time. We met with my old friend and her husband and out to super we all went. I decided to cut the trip a day short because we were getting such bad weather and honestly I thought I'd save a lot on the hotel. I now know better. We should have stayed and just enjoyed the hotel, movies and ordering in.
         Once I told C that we were going home early he asked why and because very quiet. He asked off and on why we couldn't stay and I kept explaining. Packed up, we took off, passing through the Verrazano Bridge, then Jersey and then it started.... Suddenly he lashed out swearing at me, f this and that and F you and I bet you never knew I could cuss, did you ever heard these words before? NO more sweet innocent little boy, now acting like an older teen out f control. More to come from the back seat; He threw pennies at the dashboard, a book at the dash, small things until nothing was left. With each toss I told him, it's not too late, we can fix this and make it better, His response, I didn't want to F'n leave.
          I knew I had to bide my time until I found a safe place to get off. Looking ahead I see a truck plaza and tell C I have to get gas, use the restroom and grab a sandwich. He does get out and I quickly lock all the doors but there's one thing left in the car, an umbrella ! I knew I had to get my hands on that before he got back in the car.  Inside I did use the restroom, got on line for coffee and a sandwich, but C did not want to eat. I sat in the booth with him making small talk and making sure he knew we only had a short time left to eat if he wanted to get a sandwich or anything else. He said no.
         I started chatting with a guy standing on line about all of the food varieties. Then I told C, you have three minutes left to eat and I put a ten dollar on the table in front of him. He grabbed it, got on line and I grabbed the umbrella. After he ate, and we stood to leave, he went for the umbrella and saw I had it. We walked to the car and I threw the umbrella in the trunk. Before taking off we talked, he fell asleep and we made it home.
    More of C continued tomorrow

Pets, Eczema,Olive Oil, Oatmeal Choices

      This morning I went to the post office. There was a lady there with a baby about  a year old? She was a stay at home mom who also started a small business at home taking photos and making celebration cards and business cards. As she explained to the post lady she said she would take food photos for example and give a couple to new chefs at culinary schools, then would get orders for more. These new chefs would use the cards as away to introduce themselves. She talked about her baby trying very hard to walk and how she'd handle working at home once the baby was more active. She made it seem it simple. Her answer was, you have to be organized. I waited patiently as I like to listen to ideas a I restart up Doodybags in a week or two.
       She said she had to leave as she was meeting her sister at the local convenience store in a few minutes, but that she takes advantage of her husband when he gets home. Once he's in, they eat, he relaxes for thirty minutes and then they pitch in to get ready for the week. This they do every Wednesday night.
    Weekends are so she can take a self improvement business class on Saturdays and later join her husband and baby at a local park. She expects in five years that her business will be blooming as she puts it.
  
     Then after I bought stamps I ended up in the same store as she, to buy a quart of milk. I learned she was only there to babysit one of her sister children! Her sister came in minutes later and that's when things got uncomfortable. A dad and mom were close by on line getting snacks when they asked this lady's sister if her kids had chicken pox, because the two little ones they had, didn't have them.
   She smiled very nicely and said no, they both have eczema and it's not catching. Then the girl behind the counter even said, oh good, I was wondering too because my boyfriend didn't have chicken pox either. The mom of the two small kids asked, so what do you do for them? Isn't it itchy? How do you stop from scratching? These were questions in between answers.
    Yes, it is itchy and sometimes I don't stop them from scratching but we use ground-up oatmeal and bathe then every late afternoon. It has to be ground up and then we also use pure olive oil. Then I was curious. The two parents left and the sisters were now paying for snacks and talking to each other. I joked with the girl behind the counter and was glad she asked and not me. She said, you use olive oil? Is that with or without tomatoes? The mom didn't seem offended.
    Instead she asked, do you have children because you never know when a child will get anything, so being sensitive is a good idea. The clerks face reddened. The mom now said, look honey, I listened to another parent. I had to let my big dog go. Animal dander is very bad for eczema. The olive oils soothes and moisturizes his skin and hers too, even though it stains his clothes, we don't care. Besides I have learned, the most important thing you can teach your child is patience. Above all else, if you don't have patience with your child he or she won't have it with them selves. They can sense stress and when we're in a hurry and worry. I some ways like pets. So when you get mad at them it's usually because you don't have what it takes as far as patience goes. What is so bad about what a baby is doing that you don't take time and patience, because that is love.
             Wow...was she preaching? It didn't seem like it, just seemed like teaching.
    Wool is also bad, like anything material makes it worse that is itchy. We took away all poor foods that have preservatives and colors. The girl only said, wow you got rid of your dog? I'd never let my dog go. The woman asked, what if it was a choice, your child's health or your dog? We did buy three hypoallergenic puppies. She then turned to her sister and asked if everything was ready for babysitting.
     Yea, I was there a long time but it didn't seem so long. The interaction between the clerk, the mom and dad and the two sisters about serious baby care was interesting. The sister by the way has four or five kids and we all left close together with me holding the door. As we neared our cars, I had to say something. Excuse me, but how did you learn all that stuff. The mom with all the kids said, I listened. I always thought I knew it all and one day my little brother told me I was being a jerk. He was happy, successful and I was mad as hell. I shut him up, but the next day he came over and we talked. He told me I had a hidden anger problem, that because I didn't fill my dreams, I was taking it out on the kids, lost all reason and patience. My sister was there too and I asked if she agreed. She looked sad but agreed.
     I went to see a therapist and talked about kids, my husband, dreams, babies and most of all how to learn patience. He said patience will come, but that I should tell my husband because I worried I would snap and hit my child. I knew I snapped at people a lot and they wouldn't talk to me after so I thought they were jerks. If I invited them over they'd drop by but never stay long. So I started to change. When I knew I was losing patience with my crawling baby, I counted to twenty, and I called a friend, said I need a break. Good friends understood and sometimes when they could they'd babysit while I walked or went to see my pastor.
   The weather was nice and I asked her, how do you take the time even now to talk to me about this. She said, I finally filled my dream, but first I got organized. I got my teaching degree but then with my third child on the way I knew I wanted to be with my babies, so I tutor and I teach as often as I can, doesn't matter where or when.
    All for the sake of a quart of milk, I learn about olive oil, ground oatmeal, patience and animals, what works and what doesn't for eczema. I also learned there are many great teachers with patience still around, in all walks of life.
  With patience you can accomplish anything.