Etsy is Not User Friendly

       Frustrating to say the least . I have tried every which was to get help from Etsy to no avail. It isn’t easy to write in my phone but I want to add a lot of new Fresh items to my shop Exit59thstreet( all one word) .

       I start out choosing a selection such as hats for example , hit next and it doesn’t move. What I have done instead is hit something like same item then edit. That works.  But it’s awful. I followed direction to clear history and data , and there is too much not found to tell a person exactly how to fix this issue.   Can anyone help ? Thank you.  I’m starting up my blog again but prefer not on my phone  as the fonts are too light . Thank you  have a great week! 

What is a vacation ?

 Good afternoon, everyone                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

           To me no better time to write than when on vacation. Its catch-up time.  So there's a lot I want to do even though iv'e reached a level of ,let's just saw way past retirement.  Not easy trying to catch up as I like the screen to be eye level and just learned now Dell males a laptop that comes in two parts.  Plus, I need the font to be darker... Okay lets get back to vacation mode .                                                                                      I like to sew and to write but I can't bring my sewing stuff on vacation unless we have a truck as we pack so much as it is.  We pack enough in case of anything, well I do. Like I packed a little bag of tools in case. SO far, I only needed the pliers to open bottles.  well, I won't go into everything that's packed but there is a beach chair and a cart as well as a cold food bag.                                                                                           Do you need meds?   My neck is tired already. How about disabilities? Do you really want to go on vacation or simply enjoy things as they come? are you a parent with children? Parents with children? Do you set boundaries, so all enjoy the time away and food, what about food?  Kids love the beach, but there are parents' who forget and let their children wander.  That's so wrong! I know I'll miss a lot this first time back blogging but I'm  trying, so I'm done for now, Make a list before you go and try to stick to it.           

       Quickly want to mention, Textile Trolley. Shes a great source of handmade baby items on Etsy or search on facebook. Theres also Pearls Treasures who makes T Shirt quilts. Both ladies are great and located in New Jersey.  Enjoy your vacation!                                                                                                                                                                               

Stand UP

        This may appear familiar to many so I'm not taking credit for this. I watch Law and Order SUV as often as I can, and this show, the story line probably affects millions of people. A young girl was raped in a college dorm, and yes alcohol was involved. In this story the guys stuck together until finally came forth and admitted the truth. Prior to that he and his friends had the whole school and teachers believing that the girl lied.

       I'll get to the end. The young girl asked the detective to come to her school and talk to students about this crime. At the end the detective said to the students, please close your eyes.  If you've even been a victim of a crime, stand up, if you've ever been bullied, stand up. if you've ever been assaulted, stand up and finally, if you've ever been Raped, stand up. Most of the assembly of college students stood up.

        Open your eyes they were told next. Slowly they all opened their eyes and looked around at all of the victims. Most of them appeared surprised at just how many were actual victims. Suddenly one young man stood and said, I thought she meant yes when she said no, and yet another young man stood very slowly saying, I was afraid not to go along with the rest. 

      Then a young lady stood up, facing the one who brought the detective to the school and said that she too was raped a few years ago and felt shame, disgrace, no longer good enough, but added an apology, telling this latest victim that she was sorry not to have believed her, especially since it was just the same way things happened to her.

           Stand Up! IF you are a victim of any crime, say something, tell someone, and keep telling someone! No one mentioned family crimes of sexual assault, molestation and Rape, but it's been happening for many, many years and still is happening. Tell, tell, and tell again. You never know who you may be helping.  It's not your fault, it was never your fault. Fear becomes your second worst enemy. Tell!

YOU DO NEED SEWAGE INSURANCE !

            BUYING AHOME OR JUST COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OLDER HOME may feel like all of your insurance is plenty because your agents said so. But is that right. Insurance companies do not want to pay out . They want to collect and invest. Insist on buying sewage insurance and really take the time to read all of the print. You can ask all the questions you want and get all the answers you think are right and fair, but IS IT IN PRINT?

      Unexpected water in the basement because a pipe broke or a water heater busted? 500.$ deductible or  1000.? Easy for the insurance company, but if you have tree roots growing underground into your  drainage system or anything that happens like a flood, stopping up and backing up sewage into your basement, maybe first floor, who pays to clean it and repair.??? You or the insurance company.

     If your insurance company tells you, your home is in very good shape, I doubt you need more insurance, either they sell it to you or get an insurance company who will!

   SEWAGE INSURANCE IS WORTH EVEY DIME YOU SPEND.

   

Home Inspector Issues

         DO yourself a favor if you read this and are thinking of buying a home, find an inspector who will deeply inspect your soon to be new home.

               Most home inspectors only have a three month training and are paid for each inspection about 400.00 or more, How well do they inspect?  Ask for references, how long did they have to go to school, are they licensed , and do they mind signing an agreement that you can come back on with them as a responsible  party claiming, electric is good and up to date as well as plumbing, roofing, mold. Ask to take a photo of their license, just to see their reaction. Call or search the Better Business Bureau for complaints.

           More important find out who the builder was and search as much as you can. Many builders took short cuts and you wont know until you search his or her name, or move in and things start going wrong, ending up costing you possible over 100,000. 

Things to look for when buying a home:

Landscaping- Make sure the property has an even flow away from the house/basement

    Trees-as large as the trees are on top,(the umbrella of the tree) that's how big the branches are growing in all directions, even under your basement floor, possibly after a while, through the floor.

Roof:- How old is it? Did the inspector look inside the attic to check for mold, leaks, insulation ? Check the down spouts. Are they away from the house on the lawn, allowing drainage to seep away from the basement? Check the corners of the roof for water wear?

  If you can pull it away or off chances are you need a new roof. VERY COSTLY

Ask if they have ever had termites, or  carpenter bugs. Look

 Basement-Look closely at the bottom and the top of the basement walls, ask if the basement has ever had water problems, or mold. Look closely and take your time-ITS YOUR MONEY !!!!

Pearlz Treasures

        Have you seen her treasures? Not an ordinary creator for sure. This lady can do it all. Shes a Vegan, a Sewist, a cook, Caretaker, Gardening and canning. A Nurse by trade and everything else overflows with love. Oh did I mention  this lady is a mom and wife too? A Jane of all trades!

       We met some time as I posted Patterns to sell. A sewing friendship took off  almost right away. She's on ETSY as Pearlz Treasures . Sorry folks,  I don't have that link yet but will get it. Either way SPEND YOUR MONEY RIGHT FOR QUALITY ITEMS AT PEARLZTREASURES ON ETSY.

       ADRIAN IS THE SHOP OWNER. SHE CREATES COATS, DRESSES, masks as well as almost whatever you think you need. Her work is excellent, bar none.  Please take time and see and share her site. Ask questions about her other talents as shes very knowledgeable  when it comes to food and anything I've listed. If she doesn't know, she'll tell you that too. I've asked her many food questions and she gives the whole truth. 

She just finished orders for dresses, so now's a good time to check her out at PEARLZ TREASURES ON ETSY  and here's her link-www.pearlztreasures.com

Identity Theft from Delaware to IA, MN. and N.C. Freeze Credit

        I just learned after watching my credit that it went down to to what's known as Hard Inquires .
Right now the easiest thing to do is put a Freeze on my credit, which has nothing to do with freezing my credit cards. Then I'm changing passwords and usernames. Sounds annoying, like too much bother? Try fixing identity theft!  Now that will make you nuts.
       I'm writing letters not only to the credit bureaus but the financial institutions who took the applications from these entitled thieves. Well they think their entitled. Just a warning.   

      This is the time of year when we stop at ATM'S with debit cards, and use our credit cards in stores shopping for gifts and forget who's looking over our shoulders. Good luck, keep your cards and cash safe.
          

Bicycles and Legos

Bicycles and Legos

Toys to many, some they are

but to me they're connections

near and far.

Sitting on the floor

building  bigger and more

I know soon what's in store

I get to the top,

 and I'm almost done

he adds ten more, then he runs

This is love and brings us together

as no one knows how

we love each other

Then there are bikes they have in common

a specialized for me

I can fly like a Robin

The family gets on

riding in tandem

five in a row connected by hands on

Connections we don't realize ever  

until the time

we're together

We talk, we chat and then we say

how about legos

again today

How about a bike ride

one after the other

father to son and with the mother

then they add another child

 and the baby

man that's wild !

Connections

Just Blue & Family Neighbors

From Guest Blogger Miriam

      As I lay trying to nap too late today, I turned over and saw something blue, and then I smiled. IT first sends a message of freedom. We all interpret art differently and to me this is art. Next I see a blue butterfly and even more I see a ballerina, all in blue by a little boy who's first initial is B. IT just made me smile. IT is a water color painting made by a toddler who comes to visit me. I love these type of creations. I have several at home from other toddlers and young kids, my grandchildren.!
      Watching them grow as often as possible brings a new light and new life into my heart, hearing them pronounce words, facial expressions, clapping, shrugging their shoulders, trying to put their own clothes on, is all wonderful. I think as we age we forget the reality of our own children as the same age, as least I can speak for myself. But What I do see in each child are pieces of their parents, mannerisms, personality and how they love, how the mimic and what things they like that are the same as the parents.
        We look into their eyes, the curve of their smiles, the way they walk and say, oh that's just like Mike or Jenny. Proud parents, proud giving children who have learned to be good citizens because they follow what mom and dad do. Pictures, videos, ribbons of races run with little legs. Red flushed faces of pride from racing, riding, giving, spreading good stuff and Christmas, cold air and snow.
       Then there's the Basket Brigade, at Thanksgiving where the baby learns from mommy more about giving and donating to people who don't have what many others have. A brother and sister related through love and connected by GIVING. Can you imagine their children ? I still remember Spend save, and give by one parents, a daughter-in-law who's as great a role model as anyone could be.
         A little one barely able to talk who knows how to donate by choosing toys and stuffed animals to give, and another who with mom bakes cookies to bring to the fire dept. driven by a dad who takes them out to breakfast and where they meet seniors who have a connection to these children.
       Then there is a community of supporting people who fell in love with one little guy and his mom. A guy next door, a woman two doors and and retired parents across this little street who all donate life experiences and love, and oh a teenager who walks his dog and loves to wave and talk to this toddler.
          It takes so little to share love, like a little blue painting, drawings done by brothers, a short video saying, I love you Grandma, or another toddler saying WUV you. I am so blessed as the saying goes.
       Neighbors are wonderful in some areas. I was talking to a young lady who wanted to talk with me about God and up pops the subject of neighbors. I explained about the neighbors where my house is located, how everyone keeps to them selves unless they have a complaint. Yup good neighbors alright. Of there are two nice enough neighbors, but still they prefer to remain by themselves which is why in some ways I miss NY, or apartment life. I only know the neighbors next door to my sons' home and they are friendly but I really don't know them well enough to mention anything about them except if my son and his wife needed anything, those neighbors would be ther.

        Then I learned about my daughters neighbors, This very small community of love. That's exactly what it is. They watch over her , smile, wave, chat, visit and always ask , If I can do anything, let me know. They mean it too, not just words. Since day one they wanted to know her and her baby, they wanted to be there for her, with her and they became a family giving her a sense of, I'm so glad I moved here. I love those family neighbors!
       Yes, some move in and out but basically the tiny block is more than a neighborhood, It gives a true meaning of family and I'm fortunate to know them, visit a lot and have joined this tiny block of belonging. My sister and brother-in-law live across the street, and nephew lives next door, and my cousin lives two doors down. That's how I label them in my heart, family!

     
           
       

     

View from a Chair

Guest blogger Miriam-

        As I sit here and wait- time passes well. The view is imaginable. Right this moment I see rushing water cascading over rocks, rushing to endless bubbles and crashing into the rivers it meets. Now a sky of a turquoise color with few white clouds, that mirrors into the same color river, long, so long and narrow.

The View isn't presently realistic, it comes from a TV screen in a hospital, but with these wonderful views come the realistic views of this room and corridors. People walking who have heart diseases or who have had heart surgeries. But they are walking. Yesterday there were many people discharged! Other views are nurses walking with their medical info desks, all portable with med information, schedules and whatever is needed to make things better for someones heart, like diet and exercise. I see a scale across the hall but haven't been weighed, and haven't seen anyone weighed. Maybe the concern isn't weight, but education and face to face information and hands on help and getting home with the proper care and atmosphere.

    I'm so very thankful to be where I am and have the children I have who not only care and love me, but are raising their children to care, to have consequences now rather than later, and not understand why they're just getting a consequence when they're fifteen or twelve. I'm so thankful I've been staying with family, so very thankful.  SO many people, old and young who live alone and don't have anyone would be terrified now, and yes, others as well would be terrified. Sure I was scared a day later when told I had to have a certain surgery, but talking a lot with family and both myself and them being honest about it all helps so much.

       Unexpected expectations is hard on people. How often have we said but I didn't know, or I didn't expect. Well If you haven't been in this situation, how would you know? Even if you have been through this situation, or something much worse, its always good to know the truth, the expectations and the rules. Never, ever give up or give in. Never ever quit. You owe it to your self, your family, grandchildren, caregivers and the medical profession.

   The view is one of hope. Hope for a longer and healthier life. That's the best of all views. 👪💝💝💝💝

17 Year Marriage Jinx or 4 Years Dating

        Let's start with the easy one. Have you been dating a guy four years or more? He's not going to marry you! He's using you until he finds someone who he thinks is better.
      Normally I don't believe in stats. All of those saying like , watch out if you've been married seventeen years. Statistics show that's the danger year. But it's true, Watch as you get close to the fifteenth year to the sixteenth? How is he changing, or she? One or the other starts to show changes, like meeting old friends, hair color, weight loss, a new car, out of town trips, emergency calls, has to go....yes, all excuses to meet the new lady or man in their lives. So what do you do?
        Usually this happens to a stay at home spouse because they have to be home to take care of the kids and then it just settles in that they keep on being a stay at home person without an outside job or income. The working partner no longer find the other interesting or valuable . So they seek out someone who is interesting, earns a paycheck.
           It's time before it's time to make your own money and make the other person who may be cheating accountable. If they have an emergency call and have to leave, let them know you're going to, to be supportive, you'll call a family member to watch the kids-then watch his or her face. Buying a new car, now has car payments, make sure somehow you put away each month a car payment for yourself in a personal bank account. Notice certain nights he has to go out after supper or shortly after he gets home? Beat him to the punch. Get ready before he gets in every night. Get an extra set of car keys made. As soon as he walks in you walk out.
       Tell him or her, going to meet friends, going to the library, take a college class about computers, self-worth, tell him you have a family emergency. If you get home he'll ask what family and you tel him, I'm the emergency, I have to get out as much as you do. Don't let him use you. Don't sit home and cry or wonder what he;s doing and with whom. Let him wonder.
      If you come home and he has a babysitter. Talk with her. Tell her you'll pay her not to come.
Be alert. MOST of all keep a file on everything that goes on and how much he makes and his SS number. Okay , I'm done for now, Good luck getting to and through the 17th year!

Boy Scouts Pushes, Boy Dies from Heat Stroke

       As I sat and listened to this heart wrenching story of a boy who died, parents crushed because of a senseless, didn't need to happen, never should have happened, losing their son from heat stroke. But it was just heat stroke. This young boy was supposed to be on a certain trail for beginners and he just learned how to backpack. He wasn't physically fit to be on another trail where he was and climbed/hiked about three miles. At the top of the climb he kept grabbing water, knowing something was wrong. He had heat stroke!
         The parents were called and drove to the site as fast as they could. IT was too late. He died and the boy scouts gave him the badge he earned. This piece to me was an insult. I heard this story on The Doctors tonight and one of the doctors stated, but he did get his badge and this is a good organization. She wanted also to make sure people knew there is a wrongful death suit against The Boy Scouts. WHY? What was her purpose in doing that, saying that first, what?
      Damn right there should be a lawsuit! Wow, so great he earned a badge! IT wasn't worth it. Who Put that boy on the risky trail. The temperature was one point away from, too hot to hike, yet the hike went n putting all those kids at risk. WHY???
              Heat stroke happens to anyone anywhere at anytime. Mowing the lawn which brought me back to my daughter years ago. She wanted to mow and my son washed dishes. It was what they wanted. She convinced me she was fine, it wasn't that hot out. For me, any summer day is too hot. She used a push mower and it wasn't long before she came in face flushed, laying flat out on the floor. That ended mowing on too hot days. IT was only grass after all, and not too long after I hired a kid who had a riding mower. Thank God she was okay.
     Kids who play football now practice at night. Why? It's still too hot. Find indoor arenas to play. Better yet, dump these summer sports that bring on so many head injuries and heat strokes, and heart attacks. You need your child and your children need you. No matter how much they beg, love wins out. Don't let them talk you into this stuff where other adults who want to look good are n charge of your kids, make these life and DEATH decisions.
     Sure many of you are thinking I'm over reacting. But these are kids, KIDS!  You're in control, PROTECT them, love them, keep them safe, as safe as you can.

First Foster Child(adult) Found-But Again....

       A few days ago my daughter found the first foster son who I've been searching for, for such a long time. He actually has, had five accounts on FB. I'm not sure where or how to begin with what I felt when I saw some of his life, what he's joined and the tragedy that hit him hard. He had a baby girl who died and I'm not sure how long after birth as he had a picture of her as a newborn sitting on a table with candles, as a memory of passing on.
        He now has a son about four or five years old and I did see on yet another FB account a daughter about three, Those children are beautiful and the boy looks like C.B.'s twin. But he, he is lost in a world that I can only imagine.
         C is part of  a group, that some may call a cult. I see it as a group of young men and some women, not many who are lost, feel they don't belong to the average society or any society except the one there in. This is what happens when kids feel like they no longer matter. They seek to matter, no matter how. They want to be counted, loved, mattered and have a feeling of being needed. 
           I never would have recognized him if I didn't study his face, as well as looking at his other pages. There is one picture where he is sitting and he states' I feel like I'm going crazy. Deeply sad of course. As I look on his Fb pages I don't see any family connections and then I saw a photo of his sister who lives out of state. Both C and his sister who was a baby at the time and an older brother were all in foster care.
     His brother was a few years older and lived with a family who treated him more like a servant than a child. When I met him along with the father and baby sister, he said he was just going to take it until he was old enough to graduate and get out. He did complain to his caseworker who told him, all kids have chores. I believe that. It's easier than confronting a foster parent who's obnoxious and moving a child. The boy didn't want to move. He liked his school and was involved in football, had friends.
       Well as rough and sad as my first foster son looks, I am still trying to find him, hoping to just talk, learn what happened in between. It's always the in between and what happens prior to foster care that counts.

Congressman/Women, Glorified Welfare

       Everyone is aware of the cycle of welfare with many families. I'm not writing about those in serious need. Isn't the cycle of our congress the same? Do those on welfare work ? Some do under the table because of need to supplement their needs, just like congress who sleep during sessions. They're supplementing their needs. Have you ever watched a law take effect? Have you read what is supped to be read to make a law?  I have. I've done that with a foster son.
      I took him to visit a congressman from Philadelphia with an appointment. We were expected. I bought this child a new suit, shoes, took him to a barber and had the congressman's initials carved into the side, shaved into the side of his hair. This was an African American congressman as was the child who was thirteen.  I was looking for a role model. But what I found was a man who ended up by saying basically, I can't use him because you said I can't use his picture. If a child is with Children and youth, their photo cannot be used for publicity. That congressman has since been arrested.
        Back to GLORIFIED Welfare and Congress. They call it term limits. I call is a cycle of abuse!
They collect without little giving back. They take and take and take, long after they retire or resign. They're families receive benefits ! When will it stop ? It won't. Like Welfare, until someone puts a stop to it, this is what we get.
       Both receivers are like a team and both want more, never satisfied to the entitlements they get and they always want more. This is why congress has a heart for Welfare. They understand very well the cycle of accepting freebies.
      Many won't read this or even care but those who do and want to do something need to vote out every freeloading congressman and woman and start fresh. Yes, I know there are a few good people working for the US, but so what ! Don't give them a chance to become welfare accepting in congress. Vote new people in who will work for what they get and if we don't see changes in their two years, out they go! Don't take any BS like well it takes more than two years for change!  IT doesn't and you know it. How soon does it take for them to vote raises in for themselves? A few weeks?
      Remember this is only the high end of Welfare Glorified ! They have all of the they want, need, and so much more. They don't wait to see a doctor, kids go to the best schools, drive great cars, live in fine homes, have maids, wear fancy eyeglasses-no I'm not being petty but realistic. They don't save for a vacation, stay in cheap motels, have to do without a/c or heating. Their dental needs are easily met, not waiting for  a dentist who might see them if they have enough money or insurance. If their car breaks down, they fix it. It doesn't sit until they can afford. These people are the WEALTHY WELFARE-The CYCLE of using and abusing the system they set up for themselves ! Vote them all out!

Elvis and More 10.$

doozybags.etsy.com    On this day of relaxing, unless you're the one doing the prep work and clean-up, please check out my etsy shop. I'd like to add new items by the beginning of Fall. I am going back into the shop to add items that have expired and change the prices to a lower price as my goal is to empty, close up and re-open by October. Well I don't have a photo of the Elvis potholders on this hard drive but it is shown in my etsy shop for ten dollars, made with heat resistant padding.

Thank You

Do You Know Him? CB Where are you ?

 As I write today I see a box above blinking "link" and thinking about the little boy in this picture , well he was my link. A link to many years of foster care. His initials are CB and he has a brother Dennis and a younger sister who is now abut seventeen His father's name is Scott.  I have a lot to thank him for as my first foster child. This is our story if you've read abut him on my blog.  We shared so much and he taught me a lot. Because of him I was able to continue taking chances with kids that some people refused to have in their homes.

I remember a visit we had with his dad who was a soft spoken man who wore a beard, well trimmed, reddish brown hair. He brought this little guy a remote control car. dad remember. We told the father how I picked him up from where he was, how most of his things were stolen and that he left with a huge see though plastic bag filled with water and urine, few clothes, a winter coat that was about five sizes too big, odd socks and a few ripped shirts. Yes, thank you staff. I say staff because they were to check his list of clothing by inspecting what he was leaving with.

        As we emptied things out o the living room floor, he just shrugged his shoulders, the palms of his hands pointing toward the ceiling saying over and over, That's not mine. Then he told me about his toys, mainly a remote car his dad made sure he had at that place and a radio. No they weren't in the bag. I asked him to help me just dump it all out in the trash and that we were going out. For this first shopping trip, I knew w K mart would have to do. I could get him everything he needed and some of what he wanted. He was so happy, picking out clothes, hygiene products and sneakers.

Then it was out to lunch/supper. Before we went in he asked, can I get dessert? Sure, you can even get it before supper. He looked at me like I was nuts, but I've done that myself so once won't hurt.

Oh, although he had red hair, his brother did too but it was turning a deeper reddish brown.

        After we ate, we went home, talked a little about rules and his family and mine. He was anxious to meet my family and we did. But that day he met up again with his father and his new remote car, he was in heaven, like he was home again. I liked his dad. He had a look of "I'm sorry" on his face . Learning more about how little guy came to be with me, it didn't have anything to do with this childs behavior but mistakes the parents made.

        Here is where  I learned what people think, well some anyway. In my experiences neighbors right away felt foster kids are bad, that they have to be to be in foster care. Personally my experiences have shown its the parents more than the kids, but many kids end up with sever behavioral problems because they were put in care. Some do have behavioral or medical problems, psychiatric, that parents can't face or handle, so, foster care.

       In closing, I'm hoping someone this little guy now about twenty-five, and mostly I hoe he is well and doing great with his own family.

Foster Care, What Many Don't Know, A Gun

              At one point I knew I worked in foster care too long, too long because I couldn't say anything without either getting fired and being made to look like a trouble maker. But it was long before that, I made sure to tell most of the kids who would remember, to get a new social security number, get copies of all your medical records so when you're older, you can challenge discrepancies. I doubt many remembered or cared..
      I let them know they could go to college for free and could also challenge a move if for the right reasons. I had one child challenge and actually call a lawyer to stay with me. A foster child can remain in care until age twenty-two. Here's the catch;they wanted their freedom with no curfews, stay out with friends without any accountability, were encouraged to have saving accounts but in the later years because of age, I would have to be on the account too. At one point I bought savings bonds for a young girl.
       I tried to let them know about vocational college, I did let them know and one boy went to HACC, but he was more interested in getting a laptop for free, even sat in my field one day, the screen cracked from that or laying in the trunk of a friends car and yet he talked the school into giving him another one for free. Many kids learned so young about the rights they had that they thought using them fast and furious helped them, it just upset some people.
       One agency hired so many people and friends of people just to keep people employed. They were all friends and so it wasn't about the kids, it was about keeping money in the pockets of friends. I told one man on the day he was leaving about a woman who spanked her very young foster son, had electricity turned off and other things. His answer was, I didn't hear that.
        There was a boy in my home who brought a gun and now this sounds nuts, but he wasn't a bad kid. He saw his grandfather beat his mom as a little boy and as he grew he wanted to protect women. I worked with his grandfather in Mental health who had schizophrenia.
         The boy had the onset which erupted in my home . Little y little he covered his window, nailed a cross upside down to his wall, ripped up a Bible and as I watched him and asked if he needed anything, want to grab a sandwich, go out it was no, no and no. A few days before we went to see his mom which was where he grabbed the gun and put it in his small backpack. We stopped at a convenience store to get coffee and a soda for him. He saw a man hitting a woman and yelling at her, started to open the car door and I gently grabbed his arm. No don't we can call the police. No police, he just wanted to leave, but the man noticed the boy at 17 getting out of the car. The man then took the woman by the arm and in a muffled voice said something pushing her to the store.
         After we got home he started to go deep inside himself and I called on-call to let them know. I was asked who's his MHP, Mental Health Professional. The response was she's in a meeting with the group. Half hour later I call again. BY the fourth call I get a call back saying, what have you done to alleviate the situation. I explain, monitoring, talking quietly etc etc etc.  IT was four hours later before his MHP arrived. She sat and said where is he. Oh GOD! How many times to I need to repeat this?
In his room, darkened etc. She said, can you go and get him and I'll be in back of you? She did walk in back of me until she heard him say, I'm not talking to her. I asked him, Will you just listen?
He said okay. We went to the kitchen table and he came out a few minutes later.
        He had his mini back pack, put it on the seat, no sound as if he had hardware in it. I spoke a little and so did the MHP. He was telling me how he was feeling and I said I'm sorry you feel like you have to protect yourself that way. THEN he took out the gun and put it down very hard on the table.
       He said in a calm manner, I don't have to protect myself, I have to protect you women with this.
The MHP was now shaking and for five seconds I thought, who will tell my children? Then I said to him, ----Thank you for being so honest and trying to protect us, but you know now I have to take this, reaching across the table for the gun. He didn't move an inch to stop me, but shook his head yes. I went on with, I have a friend who's a cop, is kind, not a bully etc. and I have to call him. Again he shook his head yes. Calling 911, I was asked if he had any other weapons and he jumped up with ease and said, oh yeah, I have your saw blade. It was to a jig saw. I followed him and he gave it to me. The MHP said, do you mind if I go out and smoke? No , go.
      IT wasn't long before two police cars pulled up and came knocking. I walked the boy out and introduced him to my friend. He allowed a search and was very polite. My heart beat more for him because he was truly ill. It's genetic, His mother suffered from sever depression. Many times Mental illnesses go from one gender in the family to another. The MHP stood with tears in her eyes and we chatted a little then she left.
      She went out on disability a few weeks later and the boy went to jail. I went to court as a witness, hugged his mom and shook his hand. No I wasn't angry. He was a very ill kid and his illness was just starting. It's a lifetime of heartache.
    More in a few days

My First and Last Foster Son

       When I lived with this little guy, my first foster son, I quickly learned how society, well, maybe not society but the system cheats many kids like him. His anger was as I was told, starts at zero and goes to a hundred in ten seconds. I never experienced that, ( well yes I did growing up ) Another thing I never experienced was the fact that this eleven year old could only read about second grade. On the way to my house we stopped at a diner and I gave him the menu. He pushed it back telling me he couldn't read it. I thought he was joking, but soon found out he meant it. Maybe I should have taken another look at the residence hall/school where he went to school. Kids sat in a classroom that was barely light. I found out it wasn't about teaching and learning but low lights keep the kids calm and I did see  him laying on his desk.
          -I'll continue this tomorrow-
        Well from the start we appeared to have a nice relationship. It took a while before school would allow him in, to see what was a proper and age related class. As I write this my mind shifts between this child , C and my last child B.  It wasn't long before trouble started in school and the calls came to pick him up.
         The worst call was tell me he ripped a teachers tie off. I walked into the middle school and he was sitting alone in an office crying. I was brought into a room and given the story, which didn't make sense. It was obvious to me the school wanted him gone. The teacher whose tie he ripped off, was muscular, shaved head, and now wearing contacts. Yes, that matters to me because a couple of years back he was this, glasses and balding, so now his ego was really out there even in how he spoke, nothing like a couple of years ago.
           They finally brought the boy in and C gave his story. I believed him. He admitted he was wrong, that he had a comic and didn't put it down right away, but what the teacher left out was that he got made at the boy and ripped it from his hands at which point the boy followed the same pattern, and yes, wrong it was. I was told this man was a special ed teacher. He wasn't two years back. Where was his patience? Following the tie incident I was told the boy picked up a chair to throw at the teacher. The boy said he picked up the chair to sit in the corner. Not sure what was true about that.
More became clear about ripping the teachers tie off. It appeared it became caught in something and the teacher ripped it off. Either way he was suspended for ten days, the legal time for a child in special needs classes.
              HE was moved to a behavioral school. What followed at home was a series of mostly good time, eating out, watching his favorite shows, no cable and he loved the old black and white shows, leave it to Beaver, Gunsmoke, Bonanza, and most from the old days. I took him on a trip to New York. All went great. We stayed a two nights in Long Island and he had a ball and I did too watching him watch people. Early one morning he saw a man fishing on the oceans edge, asked if he could go down and talk to him. Sure, He did and had a great time. We checked out and stopped at a merry go round place where he caught brass rings.
            Then we had lunch on the Island and off to check into a Brooklyn Hotel, one I usually stay at and it was such a nice time. We met with my old friend and her husband and out to super we all went. I decided to cut the trip a day short because we were getting such bad weather and honestly I thought I'd save a lot on the hotel. I now know better. We should have stayed and just enjoyed the hotel, movies and ordering in.
         Once I told C that we were going home early he asked why and because very quiet. He asked off and on why we couldn't stay and I kept explaining. Packed up, we took off, passing through the Verrazano Bridge, then Jersey and then it started.... Suddenly he lashed out swearing at me, f this and that and F you and I bet you never knew I could cuss, did you ever heard these words before? NO more sweet innocent little boy, now acting like an older teen out f control. More to come from the back seat; He threw pennies at the dashboard, a book at the dash, small things until nothing was left. With each toss I told him, it's not too late, we can fix this and make it better, His response, I didn't want to F'n leave.
          I knew I had to bide my time until I found a safe place to get off. Looking ahead I see a truck plaza and tell C I have to get gas, use the restroom and grab a sandwich. He does get out and I quickly lock all the doors but there's one thing left in the car, an umbrella ! I knew I had to get my hands on that before he got back in the car.  Inside I did use the restroom, got on line for coffee and a sandwich, but C did not want to eat. I sat in the booth with him making small talk and making sure he knew we only had a short time left to eat if he wanted to get a sandwich or anything else. He said no.
         I started chatting with a guy standing on line about all of the food varieties. Then I told C, you have three minutes left to eat and I put a ten dollar on the table in front of him. He grabbed it, got on line and I grabbed the umbrella. After he ate, and we stood to leave, he went for the umbrella and saw I had it. We walked to the car and I threw the umbrella in the trunk. Before taking off we talked, he fell asleep and we made it home.
    More of C continued tomorrow

All This Foster Child Wanted

       He came from another foster home as many do. Many foster children move around. I've seen ads on TV where kids are paid to say, and yet I know it's true, "all I remember is moving around and having things taken away from me".
         Here's what I know about these two things. Don't we take away things from our own children as a consequence? Now moving around is another story. Many, many kids dislike the rules so much they continue to make living in a home so stressful and I'm sure reading this you may think, well you don't make your own kids move. Correct. Yet in foster care sometimes the goal of a child, or teen is to keep trying new homes until he or she gets what they want and there are many homes that give kids, their own TV, a game system overload on snacks, anything so the foster parents don't have to bother especially if they're being paid well. Yes, many are paid very well, but never enough to put up with the following:

• Getting called to school daily
• being told to go F yourself
• punching holes in the walls
• firesetters
• sexual issues
• masturbating on the toilet seat
• destroying rooms
• breaking a parents personal items
• Cursing in a conversation as if its an everyday and okay thing to do
• listening to a parent use the bathroom
• Having the police at your door about every second day
• refusing to get on or out of a van
• threatening to blow up a school, jump off a building and so much more

These are really a few reasons why parents give their notice among having to stay all night or ten until a hospital finds another hospital that will accept the child with so many issues, that many residential hospitals won't accept a child. My last child was moved to another state for just that reason.

          Now the little guy I'm talking about J, only wanted to be adopted, that's all. He loved the family he was with and they loved him. But one day he overstepped his boundaries looking for attention and tried to seriously hurt himself, but it was all fake. That was enough for the mother to call and give her notice. She was afraid but realized a few minutes later she jumped the gun, called back and said it was a mistake. The agency said too late . They called me right away and I took him. He stayed about two to three months. He had a medical issue which wasn't a problem, but he also wouldn't listen to a curfew, He was I believe, thirteen and so cute. HE loved dogs, wanted me to get him one.

       No, I tried that before and wouldn't work for me. I loved taking the kids on trips, buying nice clothes, out to eat at better restaurants so they learn social skills . HE kept asking me about adoption and I was honest, I wasn't young enough, He kept taking off, running out in bare feet, hurting himself. Finally I was told to take him to the ER to take care of a problem, then get him to a residential about an hour away. Getting him home and trying to get meds into him., I promised McDonalds which he loved and we rarely went to. HE fell asleep in the car, but I went through Mc D's anyway, got him to this horrible place where I drove through two huge steel doors, like a dam!

     Once awake and inside it still took him a few minutes to realize where he was. He was repeatedly told this would happen by the agency. The agency rep who should have taken him would have been very impersonal, but I knew after this one time at this place, I'd never, ever do it again.

       I remember even now, his tone of voice, his pleading, Nancy, don't leave me, please don't leave me here, about eight times until they told me to go. The drive home at ten o'clock was memorable with memories of us having silly giggling times and long talks about everything imaginable.

     It took him a few months to adjust and behave, finally accepting if he was to ever get out of that place he needed to simply bee good, not so simple. Yet he made it. It wasn't long before that a family was found and this time, finally he found his new and forever dad and mom. HE wanted a dad so much and he also got his dog. His dream came true. 

       One Christmas at an airport I received a call from a man asking if I was who I was. Yes, this is me. He asked if I remembered J and I said Hell yes ! He explained the events that led to adoption and they were on their way to Montana, I think, for the holidays and that J now also has a dog. HE said J talks about me often. kool, made me happy. Then he asked, would you like to take to him? He really is anxious to take to you. IT felt wonderful to know this wonderful boy was happy, adopted and that his dream came true. We talked a few more times that year, then I let go. He's happy and he has my number if he wants to call, but I think that need is gone. Stay Happy J   !

Foster Kids , Dreams, Army & Families continued

        As a single person who worked in mental health I was anxious to work, help and try to instill values with foster children, some almost adults in the legal sense and very hard to persuade change in. But they were all worth it, each and every one.
         I preferred boys because I had a lot of brothers and I'm kind of a tom boy myself so I thought I had it all figured out. During training we were told just because you're parents, that means nothing to these kids. Yes, I found out that was true with one exception. Every boy who walked through my homes wanted to know about my children and what we did,what happened if they got into trouble, how did I punish them, did they have a curfew, and a lot about vacations.
          That made sense as they were told and foster parents are told to treat foster children as your own. So one young boy about thirteen, very stubborn, African American had a dream to join the ARMY along with a younger brother also in foster care. I got to meet him too and take him out a couple of times. My guy at thirteen was ready to stand up for what he believed in, no matter how right or wrong he was. He wanted what was his no matter again, how right or wrong he was using things. But he had goals, and one was to be as independent as possible and no one would tell him what to do or be.
            He lived with me twice which was kool. We both learned, but my neighborhood didn't. I lived in at that time an almost all white area and the neighbor across the street treated this kid as if he had a disease being black. It was mainly the man across the street and then a man a few doors up from me.
            One night my guy and a neighbor boy who lived down the street came to my house and it was dark, about nine o'clock and they stood at the top of the hill throwing rocks. Their aim was off, or maybe not. I was told they were trying to throw over that guys house. IT didn't take long as I later learned that neighbor was sitting outside a long time, which meant he could have come to me right away. Instead he waited until a rock hit his truck, then came to me yelling about cost and me not watching my foster son.
               What many don't know is kids who are in foster care earn the right according to age, just like any child, to be out a little later as they age and hopefully mature. That man across the street didn't care, wouldn't listen, just wanted to bully me and get money out of a rock hitting his truck. HE wasn't about to go up the street to the white boys house and tell his parents off until I said, what about him and I hated pointing to the other boy. After saying that a few times the man said okay, okay I'm going. Yeah, he went, acted like a gentle man, spoke softly and reached his hand out to talk to the other boys' father. The father caved in and let the man use his auto insurance. I wouldn't.
                I wanted the boy to learned lesson by giving up his weekly allowance and walk across the street and pay until done. The man refused, said he wanted HIS money now. He made many threats about the agency, called the police, rightly so, said he'd call a senator, and on he went. He did call my agency who paid him, but was nasty to the manager who was a female About a month later he called my agency again, said he found a ding in his garage door, wanted more money, wanted to talk to a man.  Not this time. I let them know he never mentioned it  before and could call the police then they'd know what kind of a "man" he was.
        That man just really didn't want a kid who was black living across the street. He suggested he had to watch his daughter, that he had a dog, installed a fake camera, but as horrible as all of that was, it became worse. He started watching this kid often. The boy started back. The man called the police for staring! Finally one day the man called the police again saying the boy was walking on or near his property, watching the man. WHAT a LIAR!  I happened to come from my kitchen, looked out the window and saw the man drive up on his property. He saw my kiddo walking down the block in the street, and followed him along his property line until the boy went to his friends house. The man came back in and called the police.
     Soon the police arrived and my foster son was sitting at the table talked to me about stuff. Allowing the cop in, hearing the same old story, I took a deep breath and told the cop, Okay I'm finished with this, the lies, his following D all the time etc, Please let him know if he calls teh police one more time