About a week ago I came across a man singing on America's Got Talent who, he and his wife adopted foster children. That was wonderful. However his statement, about Foster kids don't dream, they survive. Listening as a former foster parent, my first thought was bull, but from his perspective and the children he and his wife had that may have been true, but not from my perspective and experiences.
I've had kids dream about being adopted and and so much more depending their ages and what their plans were for the future, if their parents were more present or not and at times social services twisted the thoughts of the very young children.
Here's an example. I took care of two little brothers who were removed from another foster home. I loved taking them out, having huge birthday parties, taking them to small family owned shoe stores, out to eat, buy nice clothes and whatever I could do to offer happiness. Children and youth wanted me to adopt them. I was too old to adopt such young kids from my perspective. I was to take them to a place for therapy, art therapy. After one session the boys came downstairs with the therapist who told me by the colors they used they were very angry. She felt because they were worried they would be displaced again. She brought me into her office instead of hall chatting and asked me about adoption. I explained my age etc. She told me that doesn't matter. Of course not, not to them, as she was a good friend of the other young lady from children and youth.
Once we got in the car I asked the kids, how did you pick the crayons. One boy said, huh? I rephrased it and asked, did you pick colors out of a box or a drawer? They both said miss---- gave them to us. Great therapy! I guess it works for her. She told me the boys went right to the bookcase and picked out black, orange and brown. LIE !
As Christmas became closer, I was told the CASA also a friend of children and youth and the therapist, along with the case worker were coming to visit. My thoughts were they had gifts. My back bedroom was loaded with gifts. After we all chatted about the excitement coming in one day, I was asked to go to my room, I did. The caseworker and CASA took the boys as far to the end of the house to talk, WHISPER and keep a secret. Yes I Was curious, very curious, but didn't ask anyone.
Later I told the boys I felt lazy and how about we do a SHEETZ supper. Giggling they yelled yeah! On the drive back to the house I told the boys I had a surprise for next week, That I was picking up my daughter and we were all going to NY ! The youngest started yelling and I'm looking in the mirror and see the older boy whispering to his brother. I asked if everything was okay and didn't he, the older boy, only eight, wanted to go. He answered quietly, We can't go but I can't tell you why. I just said okay, and right away the little one almost six, said I know why, I know. I told him as much as once again I wanted to know, It's okay. You don;t have to say, and then the older brother just popped up and said, We won't be living with you anymore.
I had to check myself, ask quietly why. He said Miss--- said not to tell you, its our secret, because you won't give us our gifts. As I write this I'm almost feeling a relief to sill a lot out, plus a bit angered that the people kids count on, caseworkers, therapists, CASA's do this type of thing, and I know not all, but many do it. I have so many stories about this crap.!
Well I let him know it's okay he told me, that to try to remember adults and kids shouldn't have secrets unless we plan a party at our house or a friends house or restaurant, and only with the family you live with or your parents. It's harder than this sounds in writing.
I went on to explain that I won't mention to the Caseworker that he told, and again. its okay, you're not in trouble. About an hour after we were home I received a call from the supervisor from my agency who in a sad voice said I have bad news for you, and I let her know what I knew. She was feeling miserable as was I about it, but I know how their game works. I was told after the kids got their gifts in the morning, make sure they get to bed on time and start packing. They were to leave the day after Christmas. Talk about Dream Stealers!
I think they moved once then some guy adopted them. One of the boys the older one didn't want to be adopted as far as I know. I can be wrong, but I do know he went back to his mother and graduated high school in that area. He also started his own truck business at just eighteen years old. His little brother is happy with his family. Yes we've all been in touch, their mom, the two boys and me.
Tomorrow, I'll tell you about another boys' dream.
I've had kids dream about being adopted and and so much more depending their ages and what their plans were for the future, if their parents were more present or not and at times social services twisted the thoughts of the very young children.
Here's an example. I took care of two little brothers who were removed from another foster home. I loved taking them out, having huge birthday parties, taking them to small family owned shoe stores, out to eat, buy nice clothes and whatever I could do to offer happiness. Children and youth wanted me to adopt them. I was too old to adopt such young kids from my perspective. I was to take them to a place for therapy, art therapy. After one session the boys came downstairs with the therapist who told me by the colors they used they were very angry. She felt because they were worried they would be displaced again. She brought me into her office instead of hall chatting and asked me about adoption. I explained my age etc. She told me that doesn't matter. Of course not, not to them, as she was a good friend of the other young lady from children and youth.
Once we got in the car I asked the kids, how did you pick the crayons. One boy said, huh? I rephrased it and asked, did you pick colors out of a box or a drawer? They both said miss---- gave them to us. Great therapy! I guess it works for her. She told me the boys went right to the bookcase and picked out black, orange and brown. LIE !
As Christmas became closer, I was told the CASA also a friend of children and youth and the therapist, along with the case worker were coming to visit. My thoughts were they had gifts. My back bedroom was loaded with gifts. After we all chatted about the excitement coming in one day, I was asked to go to my room, I did. The caseworker and CASA took the boys as far to the end of the house to talk, WHISPER and keep a secret. Yes I Was curious, very curious, but didn't ask anyone.
Later I told the boys I felt lazy and how about we do a SHEETZ supper. Giggling they yelled yeah! On the drive back to the house I told the boys I had a surprise for next week, That I was picking up my daughter and we were all going to NY ! The youngest started yelling and I'm looking in the mirror and see the older boy whispering to his brother. I asked if everything was okay and didn't he, the older boy, only eight, wanted to go. He answered quietly, We can't go but I can't tell you why. I just said okay, and right away the little one almost six, said I know why, I know. I told him as much as once again I wanted to know, It's okay. You don;t have to say, and then the older brother just popped up and said, We won't be living with you anymore.
I had to check myself, ask quietly why. He said Miss--- said not to tell you, its our secret, because you won't give us our gifts. As I write this I'm almost feeling a relief to sill a lot out, plus a bit angered that the people kids count on, caseworkers, therapists, CASA's do this type of thing, and I know not all, but many do it. I have so many stories about this crap.!
Well I let him know it's okay he told me, that to try to remember adults and kids shouldn't have secrets unless we plan a party at our house or a friends house or restaurant, and only with the family you live with or your parents. It's harder than this sounds in writing.
I went on to explain that I won't mention to the Caseworker that he told, and again. its okay, you're not in trouble. About an hour after we were home I received a call from the supervisor from my agency who in a sad voice said I have bad news for you, and I let her know what I knew. She was feeling miserable as was I about it, but I know how their game works. I was told after the kids got their gifts in the morning, make sure they get to bed on time and start packing. They were to leave the day after Christmas. Talk about Dream Stealers!
I think they moved once then some guy adopted them. One of the boys the older one didn't want to be adopted as far as I know. I can be wrong, but I do know he went back to his mother and graduated high school in that area. He also started his own truck business at just eighteen years old. His little brother is happy with his family. Yes we've all been in touch, their mom, the two boys and me.
Tomorrow, I'll tell you about another boys' dream.
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