Time Has no Mind?

      Well an old friend introduced me to this older saying, if I have it right. Either way I know it's close . Its been a while since we had a good old chat so I guess time lost its mind. We get busy with life, over busy, involved in electronics or hobbies and sometimes just want to be left alone. Next thing ya know, time has gone so quickly that you have to wonder where it went.
           Like old clocks with those huge fingers, then wrist watches that make you squint, now time is on  our phones. Or is it? Time in my opinion is what we decide to do with it.
          Remember being ten or fifteen or even twenty-five? How fast have those years passed ? Like a snap of your fingers time passes so make it all count with your children, family and friends. Remember this too, and I'm sure you've heard it before when asked of a parent or a child; More than anything what can I give you and the answer is usually, spend a day with me or an hour, sit and talk or walk, and turn your phone off. Those lousy phones that have the time as always present, always in our faces, put them away. You'll never get a refund on time! Remember the best gift you can give is time, because with that come memories. No one can steal that!
            

Ron and a Spalding Ball

    

  For some time now, this gentleman has been making home improvements to state it as a matter of fact. But more than that, he offers suggestion, always with a gentle few words such as, "now I'm not saying you should, just think about it". He's usually right on target. Anything from rototilling  a garden to fixing doors, cutting down brush, picking up and moving concrete blocks and hauling it away, measuring and replacing bathroom tiles, checking roof vents, put up a side awning, storm doors, well I can't think of more off the top of my head-oh yes, he has even driven over to do my driveway, snow removal.
      Ron has also at times given a little bit of manly advice to a kid here or there in my home. Now if he could just cook!
       While I feel guilty knowing he's working so hard, I really want to lay down on the sofa, put on the TV and rest. I am trying to improve things in the home, room by room and now my biggest issues is the kitchen, but day to day I get a little more done.
       Now, the spalding ball and Ron. Today he is outside clearing away years of junk piled up and comes across a "spaldeen", as we as kids always called it but officially a spalding ball, small, pink and happy. Lost in the debris of leaves, tires, iron posts and wood, it finds Ron. Yes, I know Ron found it. Yes, as many times as kids have been playing there, in all the last fifteen years, no one found it. You see that little ball was only meant to be found by a guy from Brooklyn. I am also from Brooklyn, made sense. I washed it right away. But years of dirt grabbed onto the pink surface. Like us, we wear away, yet underneath, we're just like that spalding ball, anxious to pop up again.
     Stepping inside Ron, bounces the ball and tells me look what I found; remember stick ball? Boy did I!  I could hit two sewers. This was the happiest part of my day. There's noting at all like a childhood memory from where a person grew up to bring a sparkle of happiness along with a step of youth, pictures of the block, friends and nostalgia. The windmills of our minds as the song goes. Thank you Ron, for all of your  hard work and the memory, refreshed.

A Mom's Final Good -Bye

     How does she do it? How will it go? What about the dad? Many people just think to support the mother, but what about the dad's ? Women are expected to fall apart because they carried their child but what about dad?  Then there are those in the background, such as extended family and friends. No one knows the enormous pain when it comes to the death of someone you love.
      Where are the right words and do you dare say them after such a loss of a child ? I can't even touch on the edge of what pain is when a parent loses their baby and by baby I mean the child, age doesn't matter.
     Gut wrenching cries can and will be heard. Dark clothes worn, swollen eyes and heads bowed and a hand, a hand holding a wrinkled tissue, knowing the day is ending and my child will be buried in the cold hard ground, never to be held again. Thanksgiving is almost here and her child won't be. Dad will silently cry to be strong for mom and brothers will cry but hold back, again to be strong for mom. They go home at the end of the day and cry for the lost sister, the last smiles, the jokes and the holidays.
    Unopened gifts for Christmas already bought... sit. Everything remains as if she is going to walk in the room. But she won't. She's gone. No more phone calls, Hi mom, I love you, so whattca doing? Where's dad? No more having tea together, just, no more. There will be thoughts of extending the funeral to keep her closer, longer.. yet we know we only have days left, to say good-bye.
    How does the heart ache mend ? It doesn't. It only changes over time. God ? I was told not to mention that God even has a purpose for this loss, so I won't. What purpose is there in losing a child ?
     

Mrs. Vitalo, It Really is the Little Things

 What a surprise I received today in the mail and like many years ago when my daughter got the mail and called me, I had to call her. Although from two different people who were married, and I still think of them that way even though Mr. Vitalo passed away in nineteen ninety-nine, I received a card from Mrs. Vitalo and I smiled and smiled.
   A best gift ever for sure.
I know when you talk about gifts with kids, and not all kids, it is the big things that matter, but as we grow, mature and have families of our own we know what counts and it doesn't come in a big package. That's how it was today. This was a small miracle.
      You see the address was wrong. It had a box number on it and an RD 2 in front of it. It was close to how my address was years ago, many years ago. Now my address is a plain four number address without any numbers at all as I used to have. However it was an easy mistake, the 1199AA-used to be 1119A-and in this area mail is not delivered to a wrong address without some return and a correction, a black line through it for sure. So why and how? How did someone decide I was that person meant for this card, this year. Why? Someone up there likes me?
      Mrs. Vitalo, I was always thankful to you for your graciousness . You were ever so kind to Jenny and I, inviting us into your home with Mr. Vitalo. I was the luckiest kid alive to know him growing up, and then, and then to re-meet him with you his wife and some family. Jenny and I had good times, laughs, lunches, hugs and for me, A Yellow Rose. One which Mr. Vitalo picked as you held Jenny back a little so I could talk freely. But I still choked, said little, and was just amazed that I was where I was.
     Mrs. Vitalo Jenny said when we left your home after that first time, Mom, now I know why you loved him all those years. I thought about saying that or not, but yes like many kids I loved him. Like many kids I didn't have a true male role model and it was that kind of thing.  He was a big brother, father, friend and mentor and minister. You know how kids grow and talk about their dads to their kids, well I talked to my kids about Mr. Vitalo. My son once said, Mom I only wish I met Mr. Vitalo.
        Then I told my son how Jenny and I went to the Island and met Mrs. Vitalo. I let Michael my son know how our visits were, and how Mr. Vitalo offered me a beer, saying, hey Nance want to have a beer with your old principal? Well I am sorry I passed that up and thought about it many times.
      Mrs. Vitalo, Thank you. Thank you for the time you gave to me and to Jenny. Even now she says mom, remember.... and we exchange stories about the Island visits.  Just as important and I know I'll misspell this, she loves to say tchotchkies. Anytime she looks for those little heart warmers, she'll call and say mom, I'm tchotchkie hunting. She got that from you. We remember meeting you after TJ Maxx at the Pizza place with that cool coat. You said oh this ol' thing. This is Nicks. I love it; he doesn't ever wear it anymore but it's just nice and comfy for me. It was a light reddish and grey plaid coat with beer barrel buttons and big square pockets. It fit perfectly.
      Well a lot of time has passed, and to let you know Jenny is taking Mr. Vitalo's advice as he said, Jen, Make your money while you're young. She is a go getter, single and living in Delaware. I sent you a couple of cards, and called a couple of times, left messages, but not sure if you ever got them so I decided maybe it was time for me to fade away. So to get this card today. Well Mrs. V. It was just like the first time when Mr. Vitalo replied after I sent him a note while at Penn State.
       Then came a sad time, so sad for you and all his family and anyone who knew him. Sitting in your living room some time later, surrounded by an unfillable void, I couldn't understand how good you could be to invite me; and with your daughter, your grandson all so kind. It was truly heartbreaking. Yet, even with that, you took me to an album and shared his last days with the family. He was so loved, as you are. I was humbled. When people talk about a love made in Heaven, they must mean the Vitalo's, all.
        Mrs. V. I hope to see you in the Spring or before. I love you, Nancy